Friday, October 14, 2011

My Damn Wedding ... Is Tomorrow!

There have been many, many requests from my many, many fans *cough* Mom & Dentist Bridesmaid *cough* for a final post. Things have been crazy this week, I had a million and seven errands, formalized the seating chart (last night at 2am) and printed the escort cards, got a mani/pedi, played with my nephew, had my hair and makeup trial, got my portraits taken, wrote the ceremony bulletins and assembled them (I am so f-ing tired of ribbon, I could scream), I fielded approximately a thousand distressed phone calls from the MIL ... honestly, I'm exhausted.

Other than just exhaustion though, in this moment I feel calm. If I had written this post last night it would have been riddled with expletives, well, more expletives than normal. My in-laws had some car trouble on their way into town and were without a car yesterday. Around 7pm last night, as Fiance was about to abscond to Richmond for his "Make-up Bachelor Party" he stopped by our house with his mom ... that was a bad life choice.

Number One Wedding Guest Rule: DO NOT UNDER, ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, COMPLAIN TO THE BRIDE THAT YOU ARE STRESSED OR UPSET OR ANYTHING OTHER THAN HAPPY. Seriously, I know it makes me sound like a Bridezilla, but I was doing my best to stay calm and to just enjoy the ride and this woman comes up in my house and spills her stress and worry all over me and freaked me the fuck out. Then I got into an argument with Fiance because he was leaving and leaving me to deal with everything all by myself. I was clearly projecting my frustration from dealing with his mother, but jesus christ, woman! If the bride asks how you are, you say "Wonderful! So excited for you!"

Because, if you are stressed, if something is going wrong, if someone is missing or if it turns out there's gonna be a tornado (true story, happened yesterday, 5 miles from my house) you keep that info to yourself and you fix it. Or delegate to someone else to fix it. I'm only getting married once, I've spent most of my life being nice and taking on things I didn't need to in order to make people's lives easier. Today (and tomorrow) I want my life to be easy. I want to focus on the fact that I am marrying the most amazing man, that I am going to take vows that have been said a million times over thousands of years and that I mean them with all my heart.

Tonight I get to have (most) everyone I know and love in one place to celebrate my love for Fiance. Tomorrow, I'm taking one last flying leap into adulthood and into a lifetime of love with the best guy I know. And, as much as possible, I'm just gonna roll with the punches ...

 ... and get mother-fucking married, bitches!!!

This is what I look like after two hours of hair and makeup. Also with professional lighting and photoshop. But don't I look like a princess?! I felt like a princess. 

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Excellent Shoes! Wait, No - Excellent News!

Y'all like the title theme I've got going on? Yeh? I thought so. Anyway, so great news: my toes are in fact healing (if slowly) and apparently I really can't mess them up anymore than they already are!

The doctor told me that I could wear whatever shoes I could personally deal with ... that dude seriously has no idea what kind of pain tolerance I have for shoes. I mean, I was on pointe for years - there's nothing worse than cramming your foot into a shoe that is literally made to make it possible for you to concentrate all of your body weight on 2 square inches of surface area. I think the fact that I could not only wear those shoes but actively dance in them made me feel like anything else would be cake. CAKE, PEOPLE!

So immediately upon returning home from my appointment I pulled out those gorgeous Badgley Mischkas and said "Fuck you, wonky floppy toes! You're going to look pretty whether you like it or not!" and shoved my foot into those shoes ... and ... it really wasn't intolerable! Check it out!

Totally not intolerable. Definitely picture and ceremony length of time tolerable. For sure. Plus I've got two more weeks of healing time. So ... you know, it's gonna be awesome. And not intolerably painful.
Anyway, also after my appointment I went to DSW ... just in case. Also because I had a coupon. Everyone knows you have to use coupons immediately. I also happened to find the cutest pair of sandals on clearance, and with the coupon, I mean, obviously I had to buy them. Had. To. At least, that's what I told Fiance. I figure I can swap out my not-intolerably-painful-heels for the sandals whenever I want. Bonus, they match my jewelry. Because the straps are shiny rhinestone like things and pearls! Super cute. Look:

I'd be remiss if I didn't point out my still wonky fourth and fifth toes. Apparently the swelling and general wonkiness (it's a word) will last up to three months. So, you know, that's cool. Also because today is the first day I haven't had more than 50% of my toes taped together, the toenail on my baby toe is not painted. I swear it will be painted on my actual wedding day.

Yesterday I also did other things! I went to Macy's with Fiance, ostensibly to buy a dress shirt for him to wear with his new suit for the wedding. But, they were having an awesome sale and we had to wander through the jewelry department on our way to the (boring) men's department. I'd been looking for a pearl bracelet to match the necklace and earrings I'm going to wear for the wedding - and by I've been looking I mean, Fiance was supposed to buy me a pearl bracelet as a wedding gift. Problem solved! We bought a bracelet yesterday that was, and I kid you not, 70% off. It's perfect - the perfect size to match my necklace and earrings and it's nice and simple. 

The Damn Wedding is super soon. Like, fifteen days from now or something like that. Really soon. I'm feeling okay about everything. Feeling great about being married. Feeling pretty good (at this particular moment) about the whole, you know, wedding event. It's a weekend. A full weekend of blended families and all of our friends - so many, many friends. I'm feeling really good. Really happy. This coming week we have final meetings with our Priest and with the Organist for the ceremony. Also, we booked a DJ! We finalized all the reception crap with the restaurant and ordered Prosecco for our "Champagne Toast" ... it's all coming together. (And yes if this sounds weirdly optimistic and stress-free it's because I'm ignoring my to-do-list right now. We aren't on speaking terms today. As my fave Southern Belle Scarlet said: I'll think about it tomorrow).

 I'm getting married, bitches!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Broken Dreams, Wait - No. Broken Toes.

Hey kids - once again I've gone MIA for a month. Because that's how I roll. When last we left off, I was headed to my bachelorette party. That bitch Irene didn't ruin a damn thing (except for my poor MOH's perfectly planned itinerary - Love you MOH!). That being said, as most of you readers know (and by most, I mean all because there are approximately four of you at this point) I broke two toes on my right foot on the FIRST night of my bachelorette party - once again, because that's how I roll.

This was taken at the Urgent Care Center the morning after "The Injury". Please note that while this foot is very puffy and odd looking, this picture cannot hold a candle to the spectacular black, blue and purple bruising that covered my entire foot up to the ankle starting Sunday morning and lasting at least 2 weeks. It also does not accurately portray the way that my fourth toe now looks - simultaneously still swollen but also oddly floppy and detached from the rest of my foot. (You're welcome for the description, btdubs).

When we went to Urgent Care, I was told that surely my toes would heal in a max of 4 - 6 weeks ... well, kids, we are four weeks out from the injury and there are now fewer than three weeks til my nuptials. As you would expect, given my luck, my bones are not healing. At all. Literally. I am particularly given to bouts of hyperbole and exaggeration but this is not one of those bouts. Upon reviewing my most recent x-rays the doctor said "Wow! These aren't healing at all!" He sounded super upbeat about it which momentarily made me think I'd heard "Wow! These are healed!" But since I'd been looking at my sad, weirdly floppy, still misshapen and slightly puffy toes for the past month I knew that his inflection was just very odd and that in fact I had the bones of a sad, dying elderly woman.

It's time to face the music kids. I've got an appointment with an orthopedist (/orthopedic surgeon - eeeek!) on Wednesday and I am putting off mailing my beautiful beautiful Badgley Mischkas until then. But I don't expect good news. I know that I can manage flats since I attended a wedding this past weekend and wore flats to that event ... but the heels ... well, I'm hoping I can take half a vicodin and a couple mimosas and fight through the pictures and swap them out for something more toe friendly. That being said, I have had to make some choices. I have a few flat, expensive (what?! I'm selling the damn dress. I want to keep the shoes. Plus what other life event will allow me to buy designer shoes?) Check these out:
Badgley Mischkas, obvi, elegant but I think maybe sort of "old"? Plus the toe looks a bit pointier than my poor sad broken phalanges can manage. But I like them. They're cuter in person, though.

At this point, these are my lead choice. The lace/organza would look adorable with my dress and they look super comfy. haven't seen these in person ... but I think if I have to send back my beautiful heels, that these are the front runner for runner up shoe choice.

And, I suppose the bigger issue and the issue about which I am more stressed (check out that grammar, Mom and Dad!): is the final dress fitting. The "Final Dress Fitting" isn't so much a fitting as a "This better fucking fit because this is the only time I can pick it up and I have my portraits in one week and then the damn wedding five days after that, so I'm taking this shit home no matter what" sort of situation. I have lost weight since my last fitting - too much weight - which I am gaining back by eating crap that is bad for me and by drinking beer, but more than anything I'm afraid she's going to want to hem the dress again. HEM THE DAMN DRESS, GUYS! First of all, alterations were already ungodly expensive. The idea that she may demand that the dress be hemmed to fit with flats is enough to make me shove my poor misshapen broken floppy toes into those too tight heels any day of the week. Wish I were kidding. I'm not. I may have tried it twice over the past three days - what?! I can't make them worse.

I'll post after my orthopedist appointment - And now a shout out to my Mother and her awesome PPO insurance: Yay for Momma having reached her out of pocket deductible and therefore making my foray into orthopedic (possible) surgery not only possible, but free! Thanks for having good insurance, H.E.W!

PS. If you've read this far, here's a bonus picture. This is me "Dougie-ing" (look it up, Mom and Dad. Start with Youtube). With a black man, whom you can't see. With one 4 inch heel and one orthopedic shoe. The lovely girl behind me is my friend Em. That reaction is EXACTLY the appropriate reaction to the ridiculousness of what was happening. This picture is also a really good reason why I will NOT mix vicodin and day drinking with my wedding reception. Because this happens ... whatever "this" is:

Friday, August 26, 2011

My Bachelorette Weekend ... and an Uninvited Guest

Hey There, Readers! Today is the start of my bachelorette extravaganza! And everything would be awesome if it weren't for that bitch, Irene. Irene, you suck. Of course, I'm talking about the "most powerful hurricane to hit the Mid-Atlantic in decades". Here she is:

Now, it is a testament to how awesome my friends are that they are willing to head into the eye of the storm. Well, not literally, but whatever. In the past week we had a 5.9 earthquake, a catastrophic hurricane is headed for the coast and I am celebrating my last few weeks of unmarried life. Signs of the apocalypse? Possibly. 

It is likely that this weekend will be spent in our hotel rooms hanging out and watching movies, possibly braving the storm to hit up some bars. But even if we get stuck inside, I know that my friends are going to make this a freaking awesome weekend. With lots of booze. And a hurricane ...

... oooooh that makes me think of the cocktail. See, maybe Irene's not so bad after all!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

In Which I Get More (Wedding Related Tasks) Accomplished in One Day Than I Have in The Last Two Months ...

Hey kids! Sorry I've been MIA - I've been pretty busy around here for the past few weeks. I took my Sommelier exam and had my first wedding gown fitting - a weekend that requires its own post, for sure. Then there's the working and the working and oh, that's right, the working.

Anyway, Fiance went out of town last Thursday and will be gone til this Thursday so I've been hanging out all by my lonesome for a few days. I decided to head to Richmond to stay with my Dad - something I haven't done in months if not actually a year or so - and it was so much fun. You never grow out of hanging out with your parents - or at least, I guess I haven't. Or, perhaps more accurately, there was a time when I found them to be lame and then grew to realize how awesome they are and grew to really really enjoy being around the parentals. So, the time I spent with my Daddy was really great - not only did we have some "wine flights" where I got to show off my "somm" skills but we got about a TRILLION things accomplished on Monday.

I had quite a few things I needed to get accomplished in Richmond for the wedding. When I come down for lunch on most Mondays, I maybe manage to get one or two things done - but never like this. Yesterday, Daddy and I conquered a fairly crazy to do list. We had to visit several banks, go to the wholesale florist to set up the account for FMIL, go to Michaels to purchase some more thank you note and welcome dinner invite materials, head to Davids Bridal to purchase a veil (and coincidentally pick up my after-partay dress which I was told wouldn't be in til October), go to the mall to try to find a dress for my bachelorette party and finally go by Jos A Banks to get Daddy's suit tailored. We accomplished everything! With an extra pair of shoes thrown in as well (my bachelorette party dress was on sale, so I made up the difference with some ADORABLE shoes).

One of the big perks of having a professional photographer for a father is that my life is exceptionally (and possibly excessively) well documented. Normally I'd just take pictures for y'all on my point and shoot camera. I'd probably position my purchases on my cluttered dining room table or possibly on the pet-fur-covered ottoman in the living room. But yesterday, Daddy took pictures of all my lovely purchases. Complete with studio lighting ... and some photoshop. There's something called a "color area" it needed adjusting apparently ... anyway, ENJOY! (And check back soon for a run down on all the other stuff I've been doing lately. Like my dress fitting and my exam and opening wedding gifts.)

Here is my "After Party Dress" - it's really cute on, the detailing on the chest looks great with my wedding shoes ...
AND - there are pockets!

Ooooooh, spaaaaaarkles.

Moooooore Spaaaaaarkles, what could these possibly go with? ...

The sparkles go with this dress! It's a sort of shimmery silver, it's tight in all the right places and I bought it in a size much smaller than I'm used to. Oh, and it was super on sale. Pretty much a win all around.

I bought a veil! It's a two-layer-raw-edge-walking-veil. Or something. It's simple, it's light and it was WAY cheaper than the veil that my bridal consultant was hawking up where I bought my dress. Anyway, here I am looking sort of normal, if a bit bedraggled after such a long day ...

But then I made this face ... and decided to share it with you. Lest you think I'm taking myself too seriously, what with all of my many many many accomplishments of late.

Here is what the back of the veil looks like, on a dignified model, who would never ever make the above pictured face.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Retail Therapy (Grown Up Edition*)

I call it the "Grown Up Edition*" because generally speaking, in the past, I'd have purchased like about $200 worth of stuff that I didn't need due to the stress of planning a wedding (or, since we're talking about "in the past" it would probably be more like the stress of: money, exams, my sister, [insert dilemma here]). BUT in all my grown up glory, I did not buy something.

Instead I resisted the urge to spend a few hundred bucks on a party dress for my bachelorette party and instead decided to recall some useful information from a wedding blog I'd read recently. And it dawned on me that I should RENT A DRESS! I am going to rent a dress through for the bachelorette. I then spent an hour or three going through the dresses. And I've continued to kill time on my break from work looking through the same dresses.

And since my posts have been kind of a bummer lately, I've decided to show you some of the dresses in the running for bachelorette glory:

Black Halo "Red Carpet Dress" $50 to Rent

Mark & James by Badgley Mischka "Neptune Nights Dress" $50 to Rent

Robert Rodriguez Black Label "Celebration Swept Dress" $50 to Rent

Thread Social "Sapphire Fairy Tale Dress"  $75 to Rent

Vena Cava "Fit n' Flare Dress" $75 to Rent

These dresses are all a bit out of my comfort zone - in that they aren't especially modest (apparently wearing a cardigan to your bachelorette party is somewhat frowned upon), and that they are waaaaaay out of my price range when it comes to retail. But for $50 - $75 to rent, I'm totally down. You get two sizes when you order - which is good because I've now lost about 18 lbs I don't really know what size I wear and also these dresses are designer shizz which means they probably run small. So, we'll see ... I'm going to keep looking, but I like the looks of these. What do y'all think?

* This blog post was up for over a week and I looked at it multiple times and never once noticed that I'd written "addition" when I mean "edition" ... I think my brain is turning to goo. Stupid bridal goo. Thanks for the editing, Daddy-o.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Seriously?! Seriously.

So - remember how I said our small guest list was going to cause familial discord? Yeh, I hit that nail right on the head. Since the invitations have gone out, it is now painfully obvious to members of my StepDad's family that he really wasn't kidding when we said we were not inviting our cousins. Hey, Asshats: Remember when you were told that we were limiting the invites to very immediate family? And how we are paying for our own wedding? I didn't win the effing lottery in the last couple months, and even if I had I'd probably still hold on this.

Right, well, that hasn't gone over well. And if the RSVP card from the Step-Family Patriarch is any indication, both myself and my StepDad will be getting quite a lot of passive aggressive commentary from his family.

The fact that you checked and then emphatically underlined the fact that you "Will Not Attend" sucks. It sucks a lot. No note of congratulations, no "Sorry we can't make it, but best of luck and we love you" Nope. Just the most passive aggressive RSVP ever. I'm your granddaughter - that's really fucking nice. I guess I shouldn't be expecting a card either. And I expect I'll be receiving a number of similarly asshat-tacular RSVPs from the rest of your family. 

I know that I'm probably better off without people like that at my wedding. I don't need that kind of negativity around my wedding or around my family. If I'm being realistic I know that everyone will be happier if they aren't there. They can believe themselves to be superior and "banded together as a family to make a statement" and I can feel happy that they didn't show up to make passive aggressive commentary about the damn wedding. 

Madre was very comforting when I called and tried to convince her (and myself) that I really didn't care that he wasn't coming (or that he was being a total douche) but I'd be lying if I said that it didn't really hurt my feelings or if I told you that I didn't cry over it. Because I did cry and it did/does hurt my feelings. All I can do is be grateful that StepDad has my back and loves me ... and knows that his family is passive aggressive and suck-tacular. 

Up until now I was so excited to see the RSVPs rolling in - but this has kind of put a damper on my excitement. Stupid wedding planning ... the happy moments never last very long. 

Everyone be nice in the comments. I'm pissed off right now, but they're still family. I think their behavior sucks, a lot. But they don't necessarily suck as people ... necessarily ...

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Wedding Wins!

I purchased a super awesome invisible ink pen from Amazon for marking the RSVPs.

And my dress came in. My first fitting is August 6.

And today I talked to "My Person" - (a Grey's Anatomy quote that most ladies will recognize but may escape the elderly readers of my blog - sorry, Mom and Dad - I meant late middle aged ... or something) that's my Happy Valley Bridesmaid. She's always been a calming influence and can talk me down from most any ledge, but I also actually talked wedding without getting worked up or irritated, and in fact, focused on all the fun shit about the wedding and wedding planning.

So today I'm feeling pretty good. I consider that a "Wedding Win" ... plus OMG invisible ink pen! So fun!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Double Digits!

Holy Shit, Y'all! My wedding is 99 days from today. NINETY NINE DAYS! If you are Fiance, then you think that 99 days is practically forever. Meanwhile, if you are me, you think 99 days may as well be tomorrow. We've got four (possibly five) weekends in town together between now and the wedding to get our shit done ... no seriously that's it.

I know I talked about my meltdown. It was unattractive - totally toddler-appropriate with snotty nose, sobbing, hyperventilating, and yes I may have stomped my foot once - I'm not proud of it. But it did get Fiance and his mother to take on some wedding related tasks. Further, he admitted that I was right to feel slightly abandoned and that he'd try to take a more active and opinionated approach to the stupid wedding planning. I feel better, for sure.

To compound that whole improvement in mood I actually got some shit done yesterday! I printed our labels for the invitations (Yes, I've been made aware of the fact that having printed labels is horrible and totally rude and disrespectful of the time and money that you're asking your guests to spend ... to which I say, oh that's funny I've spent months and thousands and thousands of dollars planning this stupid wedding, so,  If you are offended by the labels, 'Go Eff Yourself' - because I'm classy) ... Anyway, Fiance and I spent a lot of time making sure the font and color matched the font on the invites and I'm pretty psyched about how it turned out.

I just want to get the goddamned things in the mail. Once that's done we can start crossing off about a trillion things on the list - all the things that require RSVPs and guest-count-estimates. Once the invitations are completely done and ready to be sent out, I'll take some pics and and make sure y'all see them!

Also, I want to put out there that my bridesmaids are the best. I get messages from them asking how they can help me all the time - unfortunately 99% of the shit on the list has to be done in town and therefore has to be done by me ... or Fiance ... but mostly me.

BUT - super shout out to Bridesmaids Lawyer and Dentist especially because god knows they've got a ton going on in their professional lives and they are just the most amazing friends and so so willing to help - Guys - when you get here, I will have a check list of stuff for you to do. But I'll provide booze for you too. So it shouldn't be too bad ... hopefully.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

My Wedding Sucks and I Hate It. Or, Alternately (and Slightly Less Dramatically): Wedding Planning Sucks and Anyone Who Tells You Otherwise is a Big Fat Liar (or Wealthy with Unlimited Resources)

I hate our wedding. Okay that's not true; I hate planning our wedding. This is not what I wanted. I didn't want to have to think about the fact that if we didn't invite all of our first cousins (legitimately about 50 people on the low end of the estimate - without spouses or dates) that certain other relatives wouldn't come. I think I stated in an early blog post that I didn't want this "wedding" because family dynamics stress me the eff out. Add to that the fact that I am super hard on myself and desperately seek the approval of my family and you've got a recipe for a big huge meltdown ... or rather a number of big huge meltdowns that are occurring with an alarming and increasing frequency.

I love my family. But there's a lot of them. I not only have my mom and dad to think of but also my stepdad. My mom and stepdad have been married basically, like, forever or at least 20 years, and though I don't love the fact that my parents are divorced, I love all of them. I love all the people that make up my overly complicated 20th century blended family. And the idea of disappointing any part of any of those branches of my family is upsetting. Then you have to take into account that whole thing about joining my family with Fiance's family. That's a shit-ton more people to have to consider. If I'm being honest, I'm totally overwhelmed. Fiance (or rather, his family) think we need to invite a lot more of his family than were sent Save-the-Dates, not because they think they'll come but because "it's what should be done". And, sweet Christ, don't even get me started on that whole thing with my sister (because you will drive me to at least one full bottle of wine and a lot of crying).

Then there's the fact that I have not and will not (or most likely not - unless I'm beaten to the psychological equivalent of a bloody pulp) invite the entirety of my extended family. There's a lot of them. With the exception of my Dad and Fiance's Dad, the Dobbsmantea parentals have large families. Considering my Mom and Stepdad aren't Catholic, the number of children in their families is kind of impressive. Add to that Fiance's mother, who is from a SUPER Catholic family and has NINE siblings and you're making for an inordinately huge guest list. With all sides of the family included, I can't avoid disappointing someone. My paternal grandmother (WOG) wants me to invite the children of her siblings and their children. My stepfather has familial pressure for us to invite all of his siblings and their children (there's a lot of them) - but to be fair he fully supports our decision to make our own guest list, and have a "small wedding" and has voiced that support to his family.

But our "small wedding" is currently approaching 150 invites. And, yeah, we know some (hopefully about a third ... at least) of those definitely won't come. But with every day passing, I get more stressed. I have nightmares. I think of the wedding and my breath catches in my throat - not out of excitement or emotion regarding that whole joining my life to that of Fiance's - but out of fear and stress and the idea that we'll disappoint everyone while trying to please everyone. I honestly can't think of anything worse than planning this whole damn wedding in order to please all the outside influences and then having it fail. I didn't want this wedding. I still don't. But all I can think of is that after all the work I've put into (and will put into) this stupid wedding, people will still be disappointed. They will still be upset and I won't be any happier for having done all the work. Our wedding isn't even a big fancy affair. God help me if we were planning the typical wedding in a hotel ball room with two hundred guests and a seated dinner and fancy cocktail hour and fancy rehearsal dinner ... ugh the idea of it makes me want to puke.

All of these things combined make me want to roofie Fiance and book us a flight to Vegas. I want to be married. I literally cannot wait to be married to Fiance. The idea of spending my life with him is probably the most exciting thing I can think of. I know he loves me. I love him. I can't imagine my future without him. But the next three months make me want to stab someone. Unfortunately, he's always the person closest by. I find myself keeping my frustration from Fiance because when it comes up, I find myself super frustrated with him. It's not like he hasn't offered to help, but I just feel like, since I've planned everything up 'til now, that he's not capable of (or interested in) doing it. And I feel ashamed of that. Fiance is a very bright and capable man, but I just doubt his devotion to this damn wedding.

Then again, can you blame the guy? I make the whole thing sound so freakin' enticing. Normal people don't volunteer themselves for hours spent considering paper goods and coach busses and limos and flowers of about a thousand different types. They also don't volunteer themselves for that whole god-awful budget thing. Watching our expenses pile up makes me nauseous, and our wedding isn't even that expensive. When I request assistance from Fiance, I then also micromanage his every move. And nag. Ugh, I'm "That Girl". It's really unattractive - but then again psychotic people generally aren't that attractive, I suppose.

I really had hoped to avoid being that girl. I don't want to nag Fiance - that's so ... typical. Typical isn't really my style. I'm really hoping we're gonna get through this unscathed - my mental health is already compromised but in the end, I suppose all that matters is that we're married. That's over three months from now though, so, keep your fingers crossed. Who knows who I'll stab in the interim.

Friday, June 24, 2011


Remember how I was sad about all the crap I had to do for my wedding that I literally did not care about, at all? Well I went to work and then I came home and determined that I would mark something else off the list (read: participate in retail therapy, another coping mechanism I perfected in college) and I decided to cross off:

Wedding shoes. I have to have the shoes that I'm wearing with my dress before my dress comes in because the dress has to be altered/hemmed to deal with the shoes. AND, guys, what if I don't like the shoes I buy? I need to be able to have time to return them. And get new ones. And my dress is supposed to come in by mid August at the latest. This is clearly a time crunch situation.

So I ventured onto Zappos - I love Zappos, with one year to make returns or exchanges and free shipping both ways, it is by far the ideal way to shop for those of us out in East Jesus Nowhere - and I bought some shoes. Some beautiful, previously believed to be way out of my price range, shoes. Here they are:

Why yes, readers, you may realize that these are Badgley Mischkas; or Momma and Daddy, you probably have no idea what that means, but they are super expensive and super designer and stuff. Think Sex and the City, Momdre. I know you've seen the censored version on TNT - BUT, if you know me you probably know that unless I were in the middle of a serious emotional meltdown (wedding planning is close, but not quite at that level ... yet) that I would never spend that much money on shoes. God knows certainly not after having purchased a dress that was super out of my budget. 

But, like my loverly loverly mother, Zappos came to my rescue and knocked the price of these beauties way down by about 50%. And I got the last pair in my size. 

In conclusion: I love shopping. And shoes. And retail therapy. And sales. And I got to cross something off my miles long to do list. All of these things combine to make me a very content, my-damn-wedding-planning, bride to be on this particular evening. 

Weddings require a lot of work. And that is lame.

Sorry I've been totally MIA, loyal readers (all 5 - 10 of you). I fell down the black hole known as work. I successfully ran the FOH (front of house for you non-industry peeps) by myself for a full week! Yay! And in my free time I've been studying for my sommelier exam - which takes place in like six weeks ... oh and having minor meltdowns about the fact that I suddenly have to actually start planning my wedding.

You may be thinking: Oh, Mare - honey, you've been planning your wedding for the last eight months! But you would be wrong. I killed time for like, ohhhhh three months at least post engagement. Then I made like seven big decisions and signed some contracts in the span of about six weeks. And then I did nothing again - for like, three to four more months. This is not ideal. As it turns out the big stuff is easy and the little things make me feel barfy and yuck.

Most brides are like "YAY I can focus on the little things! Centerpieces! Pew flowers! Escort cards! Limos! Rehearsal Dinner! Gifts! YAY!" That same train of thought for me leads into a fairly devastating spiral of self doubt followed by cranky self pity that then turns into a lovely shade of procrastination. Seriously - I do not want to do these things. Also when I started to tell Fiance about all the thousand and seventeen things we have to do he was all like "Noooo, everything's done!" So that led me to have to write out an actual "To-do" list because I really love being right. In this case though my happy warm fuzzies of rightness feelings were quickly turned to sweaty, booze craving panic when the list turned out to be about four single spaced typed pages long. FOUR PAGES LONG. SINGLE SPACED. And after printing it I realized that there were like seventeen trillion more things I forgot.

So I employed a tactic I used often in college: Organization as Procrastination. That's an exact and very technical term.  So I re-organized our wedding binder - which, btw, had to graduate from a 1.5 inch three-ringer to a 2.5 inch three-ringer. And most of that is contracts and church crap and all that other technical, non-inspiration-board-y stuff. Then I put up a bulletin board. With a calendar and a clipboard with the afore-mentioned billion (fine, four) page long to-do list among some other things. Also a wipe board with the most important and pressing to-dos. I took a picture for y'all. You're welcome.

Organization as Procrastination at it's best.

Also, what you can't see is that in the month of August, Fiance and I will only be in town at the same time FOR ONE WEEKEND. ONE. And then in September we are in town at the same time for TWO WEEKENDS; we are also completely out of town for like four days a month before our wedding for another wedding in St. Louis. And also my bridal shower. Here's the thing - August - October are also the most busy months where I work. I am having a hard time conceiving of crossing off things on that damn four page list when I barely have time off as it is!

Anyway, I can happily report that I have already done a few of the things on the list - I mean, I may have included them on the list knowing I was about to actually do them because it would make me feel better, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I accomplished stuff. I ordered the stamps for our invitations and RSVPs. I also got all the new addresses for our wedding party (of our eleven party members five have moved since we sent out Save-the-Dates). We also paid the deacon at our church for our pre-marital counseling. And I bought some thank you notes ... Yeah. That's all. 

And here's a Dukan update for ya, in case you were interested: I've lost 14 lbs and god knows how many inches. I think I've replaced some of the fat with muscle since I started exercising because my clothing sizes went waaaay down while my weight hasn't necessarily. Anyway, I put on some jeans I haven't worn since college. That was cool. Now I just have to maintain - or at least maintain whatever weight I'm at when my dress comes in ... Crap. Add that to the to - do list.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Dukan Diet: Depriving Myself of All My Most Favorite Things in the Name of Vanity (and Health, Sort Of)

Okay, get ready to judge away because I have succumbed to the bridal black hole that is dieting. I mean, yeh I definitely have some pounds to lose (stupid "honeymoon weight" ... and booze) but I think if it weren't for the wedding and the peer pressure from Fiance, I would definitely not be doing this.

As for what "this" is: The Dukan Diet. The chef at my place of work has lost over THIRTY-FIVE pounds. He lost most of it in the first two months and has managed to keep it off for four more. His wife has lost TWENTY EIGHT and managed to maintain that weight as well. Granted they both had a little more to lose than Fiance and myself, and I'm not looking to get back to my dancer weight or anything, but damn you can't deny the results are spectacular.

Further, this diet does not require me to count calories. Or weigh my food. I have no patience for that bullshit. What it does not allow me (at least for the time being) is fruits, vegetables, dairy, booze, carbs or really any of the things that make life worth living.

Please don't look at the numbers, the amount of weight I've gained in the past three years is frankly horrifying, but in the interest of full disclosure I should reach my goal weight by the end of July ... If I don't go totally insane and accidentally choke to death during a cheese binge ... 

Today is Day 1 of the so-called "Attack Phase" during which you can eat as much as you want ... from a very limited list of items that essentially can be summed up as: lean meat. Do you know what I don't usually eat? Lean meat. Chicken breasts? Blech. Fiance and I are doing 4 more days of this and then moving on to alternating days of pure protein with days of pure protein and vegetables.

Those of you who know me know that being hungry makes me bitchy. And while I'm not actually "hungry" exactly, I DON'T WANT ANY MORE DAMN TURKEY BREAST SANDWICH MEAT. Thats what I had for lunch ... and snack ... and for breakfast I had eggs. Dinner was actually okay, but let me tell you, non-fat plain or greek yogurt is no replacement for good old fashioned butter ... or heavy cream ... or cheese. Oh god I miss cheese.

Now you may be thinking, Mare, why are you writing about dieting on your wedding blog? Well, I am writing about this particular diet on my blog because, like wedding planning, I blame Fiance for this current situation. I know that when I look at the scale in the week and have (allegedly) lost 4 - 7 lbs that I will be motivated and be like "No cheese, I do not miss you. Get away from me you are an abomination"   - HA! That will never happen. But if you know me you also know that I love love love love LOVE immediate gratification. And as far as weight loss goes this is pretty quick.  So we'll see. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't but it would be nice not to have to ask the photographer to photoshop out my arm flab and whittle my waist in every wedding photo ... so there's that at least.

Okay, again in the interest of full disclosure: I cheated a little. There's supposed to be no alcohol. But you cannot take away my cheese, carbs AND booze. I only had one drink though. Vodka and diet tonic ... I miss wine :(

Sunday, May 29, 2011

One Ring to Rule Them All ...

That was a Lord of the Rings reference. Lame - I've been with Fiance too long.

Anyway, the point of this very short post is to show you my wedding ring! Yeh, I put it on - which I'm told  is bad luck, but whatever man. It came in the mail and I tore through the packaging like a kid on Christmas and you better believe that I ripped that sucker from the box and slid it on my hot little hand.

Then I made this face, and documented it for all the world (or just my 8 blog readers) to see.

I'm so photogenic.

Anyway, I love it because it is the coordinating band to my engagement ring ... and spending time going from jewelry store to jewelry store looking for something that would work was taking too long. So we sucked it up and ordered the matching band. 

But - it's a half size too big. Womp Womp So we have to return it and exchange it for a size five. Because I have small fingers, apparently. 

Sunday, May 15, 2011

"I don't get your wedding ..."

Or: Tales of mothers and wedding planning

Popular culture would have you believe that the bride's mother will take over the wedding planning and have the "wedding she never had" and all in all be an overbearing bitch. As it turns out, my mother is freakishly normal. Not normal in the sense of "lines up with societal norms" but normal like, for serious, psychologically normal when it comes to wedding planning. She's awesome. She's down for whatever I want and is supportive of basically any idea I throw her way - admittedly sometimes annoying because I'm trying to get an honest opinion and "Whatever you want, Mare, it's your wedding" doesn't really count as an opinion.

Maybe it's the fact that she's been married more than once and has therefore gotten wedding planning out of her system (although I don't think it was ever really her bag) but I have to say I love that woman for making my life easier. I was genuinely worried about calling our parents and saying "Hey, you know those invites? Right, we aren't using [our parents] names on them" because we are paying for the majority of our wedding on our own. My mother, father and stepfather really had no opinion on the matter, and in fact seemed to be of the opinion that "OMG that's too many names and also we aren't paying for it so rock on and do what you want" ... I am a very big fan of that opinion.

In the throes of wedding planning I have come to the realization that popular culture is wrong. It's not the bride's mom - it's the groom's. Fiance's mother is no different. When she saw the suits we had picked out for the groomsmen (and fathers) she told Fiance that she didn't "get" our wedding. Because it seemed so "casual" and "not special" and why weren't we using tuxes etc etc etc ... Here's what I don't "get" - what exactly is there to "get" or understand about a wedding anyway? I think the whole damn point is that we are getting married. You know, that whole legal and religious joining of our lives before our friends and families? I thought that was the point ... not the lack of crappy polyester rented tuxes that cost $200 to use for a couple days.

I've been lead to believe by other brides that groom's mothers often get a case of the crazies during the wedding planning ESPECIALLY when the groom's mother doesn't have a daughter. I think it's that whole "leaving and cleaving" thing. Somewhere in the bible (what, don't expect me to know this shit just because Step-dad is a Priest. I read the bible, I didn't memorize it) it says that in marriage a man should LEAVE his mother and CLEAVE to his wife. I find this to be imperative. In getting married you form a new little family. In the case of complicated family situations (ahem, most family situations) this can be hard. I am all for forming a new family and have thought of myself and Fiance as such since we got engaged. Apparently for some parents it is harder to let go (and let God - or whatever) than it is for others. The fact that I resent these opinions does not mean that I don't appreciate all the financial (and floral) input from the FMIL. But getting help, financial and otherwise, is a slippery slope into having to listen to every single stupid opinion. I said listening to them - not utilizing them. Jeez.

Here's the thing - I am not going to stress myself out to have the wedding that everyone else expects. I want to get married. That's the point. The bonus parts of that are having my friends and family out to our home for a (hopefully) super fun party. It won't be in a hotel ballroom or on an antebellum plantation and there won't be overly priced and poorly fitted tuxes. But there will be so much love (and booze and delicious food) and there will be that whole thing about joining my life to Fiance's forever and ever and eternity and crap like that. But in the end - I will be married and we will be happy and drunk and full and surrounding with friends. Cranky-pants mother-in-laws can keep their opinions to themselves .. or just expect for them to be ignored.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

File This Under Totes Surreal ...

My name on a wedding invitation. On 100 wedding invitations, actually. Oh, and also Fiance's name, whatever. He doesn't seem to find it quite as crazy as I do. When I brought home the invites it went a bit like this:

Me: BABY! HOLY SHIT! LOOK! Our names! On wedding invitations!
Fiance:  Yeh, we saw the proofs though. So, I mean, it's not like we hadn't already seen them.
Me: *stunned silence* But ... But ... WEDDING INVITATIONS.
Fiance: Uh huh. They look good.
Me: OUR names on the freakin' invitations to OUR wedding.
Fiance: ...

I was clearly not getting the reaction of shock and awe that I had been expecting. I mean, I partially blame this on the fact that my name is ridiculous and I have to spell it for people all the time and also the only things I've ever had with my name on them had to be special ordered. I could never like go to Sanrio and buy a new pencil box that was pre-printed with my name. It was super lame. So - to this day, seeing my name on stuff makes me giddy. So seeing my name on MY wedding invitations makes me uber-giddy. It could only really be better if they'd been done in puff-paint and pictures of Keroppi (that was the frog, don't feel bad if you weren't cool enough to know that back in the day ... or now for that matter).

Anyway, I have to head back to work soon but since I've been going on and on about these invites for quite a few blog posts, I figured I'd take some pictures.

View of the Back of the Invite, complete with personalized label. WITH MY NAME ON IT. And Fiance's, whatever. 
When unfolded, this is the main portion of the invite - the portion which each guest will keep. It's got info on the ceremony and reception and all that jazz. It also has the appropriate wording for requesting your presence. Because I am good at google. And wedding etiquette.

RSVP portion - which Fiance thinks is overly complicated, but I promise once it is all filled out,  it really won't be that hard. And if it is, google it. This portion tears off and is sent back to me (it is self addressed and stamped - so it's free. No excuses for not sending back the RSVP).

The return address on the back of the RSVP portion. Please don't stalk me. Do send gifts.

Picture of the back of the invite all unfolded. Also the Sotheby's Wine Encyclopedia that I'm using to study for my upcoming Sommelier exam. And my cat, Julius. He's really needy.

Terribly exciting right? I know that if I were a good (or popular) blogger, I would have blurred out any and all personal information ... but I'm not that popular, or good for that matter. And blurring stuff out would totes have messed up my whole point about how exciting it is to see my name on stuff, etc. etc. etc. So don't stalk me. But I will be accepting gifts and letters and postcards and really just about anything that comes in the mail that isn't a bill. Off to work! Later, kids!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

(Wedding) Party People!

Let's talk about my wedding party for a minute. They are awesome. The boys are awesome, the girls are awesome. Everyone is awesome. Now let's talk about "Wedding Guilt" - I'm not sure this is an actual thing, and therefore needs to be capitalized, but I've decided it is a "Thing"so just go with it. I feel guilty about the fact that being in a wedding is freakin' expensive. There's dresses to buy and shoes (not that I'm requiring specific shoes - but what girl can resist a shoe buying opportunity) and you have to travel and you have to find a place to crash at night and you have to take time off work. Sometimes more than once - if you're attending the bachelorette party. Every single one of those things costs money - so take all those things and multiply them by mucho dinero ... and you get ... a lot. (I dunno, math isn't my thing. That's Fiance's job).

Where this leaves me is trying to find the most cost effective options for room/board, travel, makeup, hair etc etc etc and most importantly: The Dress. No, not my dress - we already covered that, remember?? I'm talking about bridesmaids dresses. Y'all, let's get real for a second: That shit is expensive! Like, for serious expensive. There's a reason most bridesmaid dress designers don't list their prices online and that reason is: if you looked at that dress and fell in love with it and then looked down at the price you would seriously poop your pants. Because, guys, we are getting married fairly young - our friends are in grad school or unemployed or underemployed and underpaid - and it seems pretty craptacular to be like "Hey guys, I love you so much and you mean so much to me, and I've decided to join my life to some dude's for the rest of forever and I want you to be by my side as my Bridesmaid ... ohyeahandalsoyouhavetospendazilliondollars ... and yeahaboutthedressyou'llTOTALLYwearitagain(lies)andit'satotalbargainat$250" Not cool.

J Crew - I'm looking at you. With your gorgeous dresses and you're completely absurd prices. Chill. Also, Jim Hjelm. And Watters & Watters. You're dresses are totally gorgeous and yet so TOTALLY out of my financial comfort zone. And add to that the fact that we found the boys' $350 suits from Jos A Banks for $99.

This may seem like a non-sequitur, but I assure you it's not. I like to win. It's pretty hard to beat $99. So that brings me to what I'm pretty sure are going to be the bridesmaid dresses.

I'm going to David's Bridal. I know I know, roll your eyes and scoff like "Psh who goes to David's Bridal that is totally bourgeois and also the dresses are tacky" But the dresses are actually kind of legit. I mean, some of them are for serious tacky, but they have a few that I actually really like - they have a cotton fabric with a similar weight and look to the J Crew dresses - and there are a number of available styles so the girls can pick whatever they want and look awesome in pictures. Here's just a few examples:

Best part, guys: Three of the five options have pockets. POCKETS! You can put things in them. Like your cell phone, or lip gloss, or booze for the bride. Or the rings, if that happens to be your responsibility. Whatever - the point is: nobody doesn't like pockets. And the color for the dresses is a dark chocolate brown. I'm not delusional enough to believe these will be worn again, but the color is versatile - so maaaaaaybe one or two of the girls can work it into their wardrobes. At a full price of $139 - which actually still makes me uncomfortable - but with the knowledge that DB is essentially ALWAYS having a $99 sale, I'm hoping to cut some serious costs and maybe wrangle some discounts from the sales associates.

And, to those ladies who read my blog and are in my wedding: thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm going to keep costs down as much as possible in all aspects of this wedding. And also thanks for being so agreeable about the dresses :)

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Death and Taxes ... and Weddings.

Y'all, I totally meant to write this post on April 15 (you know, tax day) which would have made the title way more relevant ... but I think the message holds. In a letter to Jean Baptiste Leroy, Benjamin Franklin said "In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes" ... and to that I would like to add: weddings. Or, probably more accurately, marriages. I've mentioned before that my Dad is a wedding photographer and through the recent economic disasters he has said "... but people persist in getting married." And they do - I mean, my god, guys - Fiance and I certainly can't "afford" to get married, drowning as we are in that lovely fact of post-collegiate life known as student loans. But we love each other and want to have a life together and make babies and all that good stuff - sure, these things can be done without marriage, but to us the actual marriage part seems super important. Plus it's a totally legit reason to throw a party and have all your faves in one room. I mean, other than weddings - the only time you get free booze and food and all your favorite peeps in one room is at your funeral, when you're dead. And that's way less fun. Because you can't partake in the booze and food and fun.

I could probably add "divorce" to the end of the Ben Franklin quote as well  - but I won't because jeez, that would be terribly depressing, wouldn't it? And we'd like to believe we'll beat that statistic. But, here is something I totally didn't get when we got engaged: the excitement. I mean, I was super psyched to finally make this shit honest - because, let me tell you, hearing "what's taking so long" or even better "wow, I thought you guys would be next" when a friend gets engaged, gets real old, real fast. Even given my "excitement" I really didn't get why friends and family got so worked up over the damn (eventual) wedding. Well, open bars are super fun. I get the excitement over booze you don't have to pay for - that's probably one of the most exciting things in life. That and free food. But people get really excited about engagements. And I really didn't get why until a few weeks ago.

I briefly mentioned that friends of mine from St. Louis got engaged on April Fool's Day - Nurse Bride and Lawyer Groom. When I got the text from Nurse Bride - I have to say I fully understood the excitement of "weddings" for the first time! And, honestly it wasn't just because of the prospect of free booze and food. I was genuinely excited! I was so happy and hopeful for their future lives together - I actually teared up (I know - we're back to me being a cliche).

It's taking me a while to figure out how to deal with those who are more excited about my damn wedding's details than I am - *cough* future mother in law *cough* but I am genuinely trying to understand the obsession with specific types of flowers. And the question of centerpieces and floral arrangements and pew flowers ... Okay, fine, honestly I don't care about any of those things - but people who are important to me DO care. So I have to be able to at least form a coherent opinion. That opinion at this point is strictly: "My wedding colors are not Brown and Pink, FMIL. Please, please, please, PLEASE no baby pink. I don't do baby pink. Barf."

Does your opinion count as coherent if it includes the actual word "barf"? I think so. The point is, that we are certainly not doing anything extraordinary by getting married. Tons of people get married. But the fact that tons of people persist in getting married doesn't make our wedding (and marriage) any less exciting and awesome - although I persist in being more excited about weddings I'm not responsible for planning (No pressure, Nurse Bride).

And in more "My Damn Wedding" wedding-detail specific news: Fiance and all his groomsmen have ordered their suits for the wedding! Yay! Exciting! But that now means that, Fiance's wedding party is winning. So annoying. Now I have to pick a damn dress - or a dress option. It's super frustrating. Look for a post re: bridesmaids dresses being harder to pick than my damn dress - in the next few days. Also - tomorrow we pick up our wedding invitations!!!!!!!! The ACTUAL invitations to our REAL wedding. With our NAMES on them and shit! Mind blowing. Seriously. I'm excited. I will obvi post pictures. Because zOMG I'm getting married! It's on paper! ... but not letter pressed.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Voices in My Head Think I'm Tacky; To Which I Say: "Suck It, Voices." :)

So, after much deliberation (which, fine, mostly took place in my head - and for about five seconds with Bridesmaids, Lawyer and Dentist via G-Chat) I decided to go with the "Seal-and-Send" invitations. The deliberation was mostly the WIC getting all up in my head space and telling me that people would find my invitations tacky because they didn't have inner envelopes. And tissue paper. And also they aren't letter-press. If I'm being perfectly honest, I don't know what letter-press actually is. I think it's engraving? Maybe? I dunno, but the wedding blogs say that you have to have letterpress.

My invitations are not letterpress. Also, apparently wording invitations is hard. There are rules. Here's one for you: For a marriage ceremony to take place in a church you say "Request the HONOR of your Presence" where as if your ceremony is NOT in a church you say "Request the PLEASURE of your Presence." Subtle, right? What if I'd gotten that wrong, guys?! You don't know. I googled a lot of stuff about invitations. Like A LOT. Also a bunch of stuff about the response portions. There are rules about that too. I'm breaking a lot of them. Whatevs, man. Sorry, but no, random guests do not get plus-ones. We are like three years out of college (HOLY SHIT! THREE YEARS! God, that just made me feel super old) and I'd say 99% of our guests, if not actually 100%, will know someone else at the wedding.

Here's the thing about reading wedding blogs - and I read a lot of them. Just because I bitch a lot about wedding planning doesn't mean I don't think it's important to know what Martha (that's Martha Stewart to the rest of you. We are on a first name basis) thinks about my choices. Oh, and also I read like a lot of rando blogs about weddings. And I feel like I'm being judged. By the pictures in the blogs ... Okay, yeh that sounds crazy. But I do feel judged. Here is the number one wedding rule I'm breaking: VERY LIMITED PLUS - ONES.

Our RSVPS will say "We have reserved ___ seat(s) in your honor." Also, the invitations will be addressed to BOTH members of a couple, BY NAME even if they don't live together. The only exception is wedding party. You peeps can invite whomever you damn well please and I will happily pay for them to booze it up and feast - because you have to like buy things you'll never wear again and you have to be sure I'm tipsy enough but not too drunk until after the ceremony. It's a lot of responsibility. So, I'm sure lots of people will think "God, that's so tacky, everyone should get a plus one" to which I say: 1) I can't stand the word tacky anymore after researching invitation etiquette and also 2) Weddings are expensive. Random Cousin - you want to take a girl out to dinner? That's cool, but Bitch, PLEASE I am so not paying for that. Ergo, I am not paying for your rando date at my wedding.

I reckon that's enough bitching for now. So, without further ado: check out my invite proofs! I couldn't upload the actual file because it was too big? So this was printed out and then photographed with my digital camera. Then I corrected the picture in iPhoto. So the invites are like ivory/cream colored - not pink. So, adjust your vision accordingly:

Real Quick:

Hey kids - I know I owe y'all a blog post and I've got quite a few bouncing around in my head. But in the time I have at the moment I do want to link to a blog that I love. LOVE.

It's called: - The woman who writes the blog, Dana, is having some serious health problems and drowning in debt. I know the feeling of being sick and also of feeling completely weighed down by my finances. I find her blog totally inspiring and would hate for her to have to take some crappy office job in order to make ends meet and to take care of herself. Further, autoimmune diseases run in my family and sooner or later I'm sure one of them will get me too - I just hope I can take care of myself or have a support system to help me out when the time comes. So, without further ado:

If you blog or know others who do: link to her post or blog. If you don't blog, just check out her site, it's really great and I think it focuses on the important parts of wedding planning: making the wedding represent you as a couple and building a foundation for a happy and healthy marriage.

Brief wedding planning news: I ordered our wedding invitations! AAAAH! I'll post the proofs later. Also: two of my awesome friends in STL got engaged! On April Fool's Day! Hence forth I shall refer to them as Lawyer Groom and Nurse Bride :) Congrats Nurse Bride! - I know you're reading this :)

Sunday, March 27, 2011

In Which I Find a Dress and Feel Like a Bride - and Like It.

Okay, kids. I've been grossly neglectful of my lovely blog. You may have noticed that this happens about once a month and then you get a flurry of posts over the next week or so ... then I disappear again. Sorry guys. In my defense I have had one day off in the two weeks since Madre was here and we bought "The Dress". But now, I am back!

As far as the dress shopping experience goes, it was so painless I can't really adequately describe how much I didn't hate it. I would even go so far as to say ... I enjoyed it. Crazy, I know. Let me set the stage for you:

Madre was to arrive at Dulles Airport early in the morning on Monday, so after work on Sunday I drove up to Arlington to stay with my MOH. (Quick Wedding Party Biography: MOH is my oldest friend - we've been friends for over twenty years now and I am so excited to finally share my home state with her after over a decade). ANYWAY, staying with MOH made it so easy to pick up Madre in the morning and I got to spend some quality time with MOH - and check out bridesmaids dresses on Sunday.

I made the appointment with Ann's Boutique in Burke, VA as soon as I found out Madre would, in fact, be visiting. Ann's Boutique is the "Premier" Seller for Watters and Watters gowns in VA and they also carried the WToo line. But I couldn't sleep the night before the appointment and started looking up online reviews.

This was a mistake.

Such a big mistake, in fact, that I almost canceled the appointment! Working in the service industry, I should have realized that people go online mostly to complain and say things that they wouldn't say in real life (shut it. that's not what my blog is like ... i say this stuff in real life) but I got seriously scared at the number of negative reviews of Ann's. Also, the appointment was at 1 PM and I picked up Madre at like 9:45 and couldn't figure out a way to kill three hours in the NOVA area ... Thank God Madre talked me into keeping the appointment while sitting in a Dunkin Donuts somewhere between Arlington and Burke. We moved the appointment up a couple hours and when we got there, had the whole shop to ourselves!

Some of the online bitches reviewers had said that Ann (the owner and seamstress) was pushy and rude, but I adored her. She had me in and out of dresses so fast and was totally honest about how dresses looked on me. She was definitely not trying to make a sale that wouldn't be flattering on me. The dress we ultimately bought was the second one I tried on - I tried on maybe seven after it and came right back. It was obviously Madre's favorite and even Ann said it suited me perfectly.

I was, like, so-exceptionally-super-vain y'all. I think I really did look at myself in the mirror for upwards of five straight minutes. That's a long ass time. I wasn't doing anything. Just standing. And staring at myself. Like Narcissus. Had I been looking into a body of water I may actually have drowned (... that's sort of how that myth goes, right? or turned into a flower? whatever, that's basically it? Dad - comments?) ... Anyway the point is that the dress fit me PERFECTLY. Like a freakin' glove. And I looked skinny. Also tall. Two things that I am NOT. Oh, and then there was the veil. Veil met head and I cried. I CRIED! I was a goddamn "Say Yes To The Dress" Cliche. Embarrassing. But also really nice. It was the first time I've felt like: "HOLY SHIT I AM ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED! I AM A DAMN BRIDE! (AND I AM HAPPY ABOUT IT)"

Excuse the profanity, parentals, but that is actually how it felt. I loved every second of it. I'm a "Bride" bitches. Hear me roar ... or something.

In the next few days:

I have an invitation dilemma. Also bridesmaids dresses. I swear I won't disappear for weeks on end this time. Probably.

OH! Also, Daddy got me and Fiance a camera (something to check off our registry, yay!) so there will be more pictures - specifically ones that are not backwards!

Monday, March 14, 2011


To the dress, that is. Here it is: The Watters & Watters Devenport

More on the details and the dress shopping experience later! What do you think?

PS. I have a picture of me in the dress ... but Madre and I can't figure out how to connect the camera to the computer


From the Watter's website description:
"Ivory re-embroidered lace and washed silk organza gown with full A-line skirt and veiled lace motifs on skirt. Dress has a 71" train"

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Pretty Pretty Pictures!

Now, on to FUN STUFF! It's in caps because in typing, caps means fun. Did you know that? Some people say it means yelling - but sometimes yelling can be fun. It's fun yelling. My madre is coming! I pick her up from the airport in like ... 48ish hours. We are going to buy a wedding dress! Knock on wood. I have to buy this damn dress because in wedding-time apparently my wedding is tomorrow and I have been negligent on the dress front. I have been lead to believe that if I do not buy this dress in the next week (March 15 marks 7 months to the wedding) then I will obviously be naked or wearing hobo clothes down the aisle.

That's not cool - no one wants to be a hobo on their wedding day. Why do you have to make me feel that way, WIC? Why? Anyway, I've decided to steal some photos from designers websites to show you what I've already tried on and what I intend to try on again for mi madre. Here we go!

All of the following dresses are from Watters & Watters and I tried them on with Lawyer Bridesmaid:

  Style 1079B 

Escalante (Affectionately referred to as the Grace Kelly Dress)

Austin - this one made my top 5 - it was swishy and twirly and light as air.

Tyler - my absolute fave. Tried it on with an ivory sash. Loved it. 

So, what do you think loyal readers? I've focused my search on this designer because his dresses were lovely and fit my proportions (ie. boobs. and hips) very well. Madre and I have an appointment at a salon in BFE Northern VA on Monday! Next up, maybe I'll post some pics of dresses I'm looking to try on from Watters & Watters less expensive line. Also I have some fun pictures of my pets that I feel like I should post. Because my pets are weird. Like me.

Back From the Brink!

Hey, hey, boys and girls. I am back from the brink, as they say. I know I promised that I would be funny and post stuff after I posted about my sister. But if I'm being honest with you, for about a full week after that post I was having a really hard time with my sister being gone. I've realized that her choices are her own, however bad they are, and that my worrying (which is, essentially second nature to me) was doing her absolutely no good and it was hurting me. A lot.

As an update, we have heard from the prodigal daughter and she is not willing to follow the guidelines that have been set for her in order to come home. For now at least, she is "homeless' - although she knows full well she has a home to come to if she is willing to (sorry, daddy - bad language ahead) grow the fuck up. So, for the time being, good riddance, psycho child. I hope you get your act together.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Programming ...

That last post was depressing. I don't want it at the top of my page. So here is something awesome:

This picture was sent to me by Lawyer Bridesmaid in response to my bridesmaid package - which I should have photographed because I was crafty. There were ribbons. And fake leaves. It was wedding-y and impressive. Also there was booze. Anyway, I formally asked my girls to be my bridesmaids and this is how Lawyer Bridesmaid responded. Makes me obscenely happy.

I may be down a bridesmaid, but the ones I have left are FUCKING AWESOME. And I adore them. Especially Bridesmaids, Lawyer and Dentist. Because they read my blog and are amazing.