Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Dukan Diet: Depriving Myself of All My Most Favorite Things in the Name of Vanity (and Health, Sort Of)

Okay, get ready to judge away because I have succumbed to the bridal black hole that is dieting. I mean, yeh I definitely have some pounds to lose (stupid "honeymoon weight" ... and booze) but I think if it weren't for the wedding and the peer pressure from Fiance, I would definitely not be doing this.

As for what "this" is: The Dukan Diet. The chef at my place of work has lost over THIRTY-FIVE pounds. He lost most of it in the first two months and has managed to keep it off for four more. His wife has lost TWENTY EIGHT and managed to maintain that weight as well. Granted they both had a little more to lose than Fiance and myself, and I'm not looking to get back to my dancer weight or anything, but damn you can't deny the results are spectacular.

Further, this diet does not require me to count calories. Or weigh my food. I have no patience for that bullshit. What it does not allow me (at least for the time being) is fruits, vegetables, dairy, booze, carbs or really any of the things that make life worth living.

Please don't look at the numbers, the amount of weight I've gained in the past three years is frankly horrifying, but in the interest of full disclosure I should reach my goal weight by the end of July ... If I don't go totally insane and accidentally choke to death during a cheese binge ... 

Today is Day 1 of the so-called "Attack Phase" during which you can eat as much as you want ... from a very limited list of items that essentially can be summed up as: lean meat. Do you know what I don't usually eat? Lean meat. Chicken breasts? Blech. Fiance and I are doing 4 more days of this and then moving on to alternating days of pure protein with days of pure protein and vegetables.

Those of you who know me know that being hungry makes me bitchy. And while I'm not actually "hungry" exactly, I DON'T WANT ANY MORE DAMN TURKEY BREAST SANDWICH MEAT. Thats what I had for lunch ... and snack ... and for breakfast I had eggs. Dinner was actually okay, but let me tell you, non-fat plain or greek yogurt is no replacement for good old fashioned butter ... or heavy cream ... or cheese. Oh god I miss cheese.

Now you may be thinking, Mare, why are you writing about dieting on your wedding blog? Well, I am writing about this particular diet on my blog because, like wedding planning, I blame Fiance for this current situation. I know that when I look at the scale in the week and have (allegedly) lost 4 - 7 lbs that I will be motivated and be like "No cheese, I do not miss you. Get away from me you are an abomination"   - HA! That will never happen. But if you know me you also know that I love love love love LOVE immediate gratification. And as far as weight loss goes this is pretty quick.  So we'll see. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't but it would be nice not to have to ask the photographer to photoshop out my arm flab and whittle my waist in every wedding photo ... so there's that at least.

Okay, again in the interest of full disclosure: I cheated a little. There's supposed to be no alcohol. But you cannot take away my cheese, carbs AND booze. I only had one drink though. Vodka and diet tonic ... I miss wine :(


  1. kate middleton did this diet for the royal wedding and she was skinnnnyyyyyyy. if you are gonna binge on cheese, please invite me to join! :) but goodluck on the diet lady! I'm trying to be good while studying for the bar because I am a bridesmaid in Aug and don't want fat arms but ya, cheese isn't something I'd ever deny myself hahaha lemme know how it goes!! loves you. xoxo

  2. This diet sounds INSANE. andd you know how I feel about diets, so no further comment is probs necessary ;)
    ...other than Good Luck Homie

  3. Hi, Ladybug! We just talked about this tonight (June 7). If this works for you, I'm going to try it myself. Being diabetic complicates things, but I know what to watch for. You should probably watch also for the effects of rapid fat burning. Among the metabolic products of fat burning are ketones. These are toxic compounds that can build up to dangerous levels, especially in diabetics, one of which mercifully you are not yet. But if you find that you have booze breath without having indulged, you may be getting ketoacidosis, which is a medical emergency. Google it and be vigilant. But from our conversation this evening, I am delighted that you seem to be having success with this diet. Just be careful and listen to the messages sent by Mother Nature, who, as we all know, is a bitch.
    All my love,

  4. Hi, I've been following your blog. I'm doing the Dukan as well! So hard, I've already relapsed a couple of times. Sigh, always having to restart. Please follow me!