Thursday, September 29, 2011

Excellent Shoes! Wait, No - Excellent News!

Y'all like the title theme I've got going on? Yeh? I thought so. Anyway, so great news: my toes are in fact healing (if slowly) and apparently I really can't mess them up anymore than they already are!

The doctor told me that I could wear whatever shoes I could personally deal with ... that dude seriously has no idea what kind of pain tolerance I have for shoes. I mean, I was on pointe for years - there's nothing worse than cramming your foot into a shoe that is literally made to make it possible for you to concentrate all of your body weight on 2 square inches of surface area. I think the fact that I could not only wear those shoes but actively dance in them made me feel like anything else would be cake. CAKE, PEOPLE!

So immediately upon returning home from my appointment I pulled out those gorgeous Badgley Mischkas and said "Fuck you, wonky floppy toes! You're going to look pretty whether you like it or not!" and shoved my foot into those shoes ... and ... it really wasn't intolerable! Check it out!

Totally not intolerable. Definitely picture and ceremony length of time tolerable. For sure. Plus I've got two more weeks of healing time. So ... you know, it's gonna be awesome. And not intolerably painful.
Anyway, also after my appointment I went to DSW ... just in case. Also because I had a coupon. Everyone knows you have to use coupons immediately. I also happened to find the cutest pair of sandals on clearance, and with the coupon, I mean, obviously I had to buy them. Had. To. At least, that's what I told Fiance. I figure I can swap out my not-intolerably-painful-heels for the sandals whenever I want. Bonus, they match my jewelry. Because the straps are shiny rhinestone like things and pearls! Super cute. Look:

I'd be remiss if I didn't point out my still wonky fourth and fifth toes. Apparently the swelling and general wonkiness (it's a word) will last up to three months. So, you know, that's cool. Also because today is the first day I haven't had more than 50% of my toes taped together, the toenail on my baby toe is not painted. I swear it will be painted on my actual wedding day.

Yesterday I also did other things! I went to Macy's with Fiance, ostensibly to buy a dress shirt for him to wear with his new suit for the wedding. But, they were having an awesome sale and we had to wander through the jewelry department on our way to the (boring) men's department. I'd been looking for a pearl bracelet to match the necklace and earrings I'm going to wear for the wedding - and by I've been looking I mean, Fiance was supposed to buy me a pearl bracelet as a wedding gift. Problem solved! We bought a bracelet yesterday that was, and I kid you not, 70% off. It's perfect - the perfect size to match my necklace and earrings and it's nice and simple. 

The Damn Wedding is super soon. Like, fifteen days from now or something like that. Really soon. I'm feeling okay about everything. Feeling great about being married. Feeling pretty good (at this particular moment) about the whole, you know, wedding event. It's a weekend. A full weekend of blended families and all of our friends - so many, many friends. I'm feeling really good. Really happy. This coming week we have final meetings with our Priest and with the Organist for the ceremony. Also, we booked a DJ! We finalized all the reception crap with the restaurant and ordered Prosecco for our "Champagne Toast" ... it's all coming together. (And yes if this sounds weirdly optimistic and stress-free it's because I'm ignoring my to-do-list right now. We aren't on speaking terms today. As my fave Southern Belle Scarlet said: I'll think about it tomorrow).

 I'm getting married, bitches!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Broken Dreams, Wait - No. Broken Toes.

Hey kids - once again I've gone MIA for a month. Because that's how I roll. When last we left off, I was headed to my bachelorette party. That bitch Irene didn't ruin a damn thing (except for my poor MOH's perfectly planned itinerary - Love you MOH!). That being said, as most of you readers know (and by most, I mean all because there are approximately four of you at this point) I broke two toes on my right foot on the FIRST night of my bachelorette party - once again, because that's how I roll.

This was taken at the Urgent Care Center the morning after "The Injury". Please note that while this foot is very puffy and odd looking, this picture cannot hold a candle to the spectacular black, blue and purple bruising that covered my entire foot up to the ankle starting Sunday morning and lasting at least 2 weeks. It also does not accurately portray the way that my fourth toe now looks - simultaneously still swollen but also oddly floppy and detached from the rest of my foot. (You're welcome for the description, btdubs).

When we went to Urgent Care, I was told that surely my toes would heal in a max of 4 - 6 weeks ... well, kids, we are four weeks out from the injury and there are now fewer than three weeks til my nuptials. As you would expect, given my luck, my bones are not healing. At all. Literally. I am particularly given to bouts of hyperbole and exaggeration but this is not one of those bouts. Upon reviewing my most recent x-rays the doctor said "Wow! These aren't healing at all!" He sounded super upbeat about it which momentarily made me think I'd heard "Wow! These are healed!" But since I'd been looking at my sad, weirdly floppy, still misshapen and slightly puffy toes for the past month I knew that his inflection was just very odd and that in fact I had the bones of a sad, dying elderly woman.

It's time to face the music kids. I've got an appointment with an orthopedist (/orthopedic surgeon - eeeek!) on Wednesday and I am putting off mailing my beautiful beautiful Badgley Mischkas until then. But I don't expect good news. I know that I can manage flats since I attended a wedding this past weekend and wore flats to that event ... but the heels ... well, I'm hoping I can take half a vicodin and a couple mimosas and fight through the pictures and swap them out for something more toe friendly. That being said, I have had to make some choices. I have a few flat, expensive (what?! I'm selling the damn dress. I want to keep the shoes. Plus what other life event will allow me to buy designer shoes?) Check these out:
Badgley Mischkas, obvi, elegant but I think maybe sort of "old"? Plus the toe looks a bit pointier than my poor sad broken phalanges can manage. But I like them. They're cuter in person, though.

At this point, these are my lead choice. The lace/organza would look adorable with my dress and they look super comfy. haven't seen these in person ... but I think if I have to send back my beautiful heels, that these are the front runner for runner up shoe choice.

And, I suppose the bigger issue and the issue about which I am more stressed (check out that grammar, Mom and Dad!): is the final dress fitting. The "Final Dress Fitting" isn't so much a fitting as a "This better fucking fit because this is the only time I can pick it up and I have my portraits in one week and then the damn wedding five days after that, so I'm taking this shit home no matter what" sort of situation. I have lost weight since my last fitting - too much weight - which I am gaining back by eating crap that is bad for me and by drinking beer, but more than anything I'm afraid she's going to want to hem the dress again. HEM THE DAMN DRESS, GUYS! First of all, alterations were already ungodly expensive. The idea that she may demand that the dress be hemmed to fit with flats is enough to make me shove my poor misshapen broken floppy toes into those too tight heels any day of the week. Wish I were kidding. I'm not. I may have tried it twice over the past three days - what?! I can't make them worse.

I'll post after my orthopedist appointment - And now a shout out to my Mother and her awesome PPO insurance: Yay for Momma having reached her out of pocket deductible and therefore making my foray into orthopedic (possible) surgery not only possible, but free! Thanks for having good insurance, H.E.W!

PS. If you've read this far, here's a bonus picture. This is me "Dougie-ing" (look it up, Mom and Dad. Start with Youtube). With a black man, whom you can't see. With one 4 inch heel and one orthopedic shoe. The lovely girl behind me is my friend Em. That reaction is EXACTLY the appropriate reaction to the ridiculousness of what was happening. This picture is also a really good reason why I will NOT mix vicodin and day drinking with my wedding reception. Because this happens ... whatever "this" is: