Missing.

So, generally I think that my blog posts tend towards the humorous, fair warning: I don't think I can make this post funny.

My sister is missing. For those of you who know me well, you know of my family's struggles with my sister, her addiction and her psychiatric problems. She was supposed to be my maid of honor, after her last explosion of crazy I decided that I did not want her in that position, that she didn't deserve it. I asked my oldest friend to take her place. I should have gone with my gut and never asked my sister. Also, I should not have allowed her to remain in my wedding party at all. And now, she isn't. In my wedding party, that is. I expressed this to her via text message last night because she ignored all my phone calls.

According to my mom and stepdad she has been using again. She wanted to take the car and go out with friends. She was told no. She threw a fit, as per usual. She packed a bag and left. She was picked up by someone my parents do not know. We have not heard from her since. It's been over 24 hours at this point. She's an adult and there really is nothing to be done legally. So now, we wait.

I was conflicted about writing this, I don't like talking about it. Or her. I'm torn between being so angry with her that I could shake her to death and being so scared that she'll die before she "hits bottom" as they say in the addiction world. At moments I hope she dies. I realize that that is an ugly thing to say, but it's what I feel. This blog is about planning my wedding, and one of the reasons I wasn't excited about wedding planning was the stress of my family relationships. At this point, if she comes home and doesn't go to rehab I don't think I even want her present at my wedding.

So, that's where I am today. Stressed and sad and angry and, well, down a bridesmaid.

I'll go back to being funny tomorrow. I got that invite sample in the mail so I'll post some more backwards photos.