Saturday, January 8, 2011

How Fiance and I Spent a Week Away at a New Year's Eve Wedding and Saw Each Other For Approximately 37 Minutes and How Fiance Started To Consider Eloping ...

I couldn't come up with anything catchier or more concise. Sorry.

Fiance and I spent the the week between Christmas and New Years at the wedding of my college roommate and Fiance's Boyfriend Best Friend/Best Man. The lovely, wonderful, incredibly attractive couple are also responsible for my relationship with Fiance (Thanks, guys, if it weren't for you I wouldn't have to plan this damn wedding). Fiance was also the best man. That is your necessary back-story.

 Fiance and I left VA for New Orleans on Monday night at about 7. He thought it best that we drive through the night - a plan which would be veritably impossible if I were conscious, as I am the most neurotic, night blind and easily scared passenger on earth. "We" decided that the best way to go about accomplishing this all night drive would be for us to go to B-Dubs to watch Monday Night Football and for me to drink approximately ten beers and then take a handful of benadryl in order to pass out in the car for the majority of the 16 hour journey. So I did just that, except I didn't pass out immediately and proceeded to nag at Fiance and whine uncontrollably for approximately two hours that he was going to kill us while driving through the mountain passes of Southwest Virginia. No worries, he did not kill us and I woke up around 7 am feeling alarmingly well rested and not hungover somewhere in the middle of Alabama. Eventually we made it to New Orleans.

I will spare you the details of the first afternoon, although I will say I came to the realization that Fiance had rarely traveled anywhere that required a hotel stay and we ended up having to make multiple trips to multiple ATMs in order to pay for our room in cash. Oh and then we had to do it again so that Fiance could check into the bachelor party suite in a separate hotel. We looked like total hobos. Not the kind of people you would want in your hotel. Ever. So as the best man, Fiance spent the majority of the week away from me, doing Best Manly duties. I pretty much thought that those duties would include going to strip clubs, buying rounds of drinks, and weeping uncontrollably because he was losing his Boyfriend. I was right on most counts, except for the strip clubs - those were disallowed by the bride, also I totally underestimated the amount of work that actually goes into a wedding.

There were errands. Lots and lots of errands. Tuxes that had been delivered to the wrong city and pralines that needed to be picked up and the loading of various things into cars. You don't even know. Also Other College Roommate and myself were given "Greeter" duties - our names were in the program, be jealous - and we had to collect all the pew flowers (Pew flowers?! Did you even know that you needed those? Because I didn't. Add it to the list of things I will mess up at my own wedding). We had to collect them all and then beat the shuttle buses full of guests back to the reception venue and hand them over to a coordinator so that he/she could place them about as decor. There was no coordinator. And we got yelled at by a bartender because cocktail hour was outside - eventually we got them placed all around the cake seconds before the buses arrived and we were unceremoniously kicked out of the hall to join the outdoor cocktail hour (Also it was raining). I'm sure you are all on the edge of your seat with the suspense of that story, but it was very stressful. Very. Stressful. There is no hope for me and this wedding business.

All I know is that over the course of the week Fiance and I did not spend a single night in the same bed and I am reasonably sure that the time spent in each others company amounted to approximately 37 minutes. Mostly during the reception. I actually lost him during said reception while he went outside to smoke cigars with the rest of the wedding party and my ex-boyfriend. Yes, you heard me. I got ditched by Fiance so that he could smoke cigars with my Ex-Boyfriend. This does not bode well for our wedding weekend, I don't think.

I will tell you that I hope I can enjoy my weekend as much as the Bride did, but given my stress level at the prospect of picking up flowers I somehow don't see this happening. The bride was the very picture of calm and happiness - something I simply cannot understand given the logistics of planning a New Year's Eve wedding in New Orleans and NOT ONLY in New Orleans but within eyesight of the French Quarter. I'm already bitching about my wedding and it will be held in the middle of nowhere and with very few logistical considerations (because I'm lazy, also because I live in the middle of nowhere). Again, this does not bode well at all. I thoroughly enjoyed my time in New Orleans and the wedding was spectacular in a way that makes me think "Why even bother, you could never accomplish this" but also in a way that I really admire and appreciate the time and effort it took to plan.

But mostly the first part - the self defeating part. I think the moral of this story is that the days leading up to my wedding should be dealt with in the same way as the all night journey to New Orleans. I should probably be unconscious for most of it. Or at least drunk. Wake me up when it's time to get married.


  1. Oh Marebear, you are my favorite. Your middle of nowhere wedding is going to be awesome and you don't need pew flowers, mostly because I don't know what they are.

    I saw the pics, Fiance looked super cute in his tux! You're gonna have the cutest babies one day (and we'll be able to dress them up in crazy outfits because they'll be babies and have no say!)

    Also, good news! You have more readers than just me! I made my friends follow! They are invisible but they are totally reading. One even giggled last night, be proud lady.


  3. scratch that. i have one follower, but i have more than one reader! allegedly!

  4. hahah yes, you have 3 readers minimum, promise!

  5. hahaha love love love this post!! andd i'm an official follower now! Thanks for the shoutout ha.

  6. YAY! MORE FOLLOWERS! Lol no prob bob. I swear my bridesmaid's packages will go out soon ... although at this point I may send them out with save the dates in them ... we'll see.