Retail Therapy (Grown Up Edition*)

I call it the "Grown Up Edition*" because generally speaking, in the past, I'd have purchased like about $200 worth of stuff that I didn't need due to the stress of planning a wedding (or, since we're talking about "in the past" it would probably be more like the stress of: money, exams, my sister, [insert dilemma here]). BUT in all my grown up glory, I did not buy something.

Instead I resisted the urge to spend a few hundred bucks on a party dress for my bachelorette party and instead decided to recall some useful information from a wedding blog I'd read recently. And it dawned on me that I should RENT A DRESS! I am going to rent a dress through www.RentTheRunway.com for the bachelorette. I then spent an hour or three going through the dresses. And I've continued to kill time on my break from work looking through the same dresses.

And since my posts have been kind of a bummer lately, I've decided to show you some of the dresses in the running for bachelorette glory:

Black Halo "Red Carpet Dress" $50 to Rent

Mark & James by Badgley Mischka "Neptune Nights Dress" $50 to Rent

Robert Rodriguez Black Label "Celebration Swept Dress" $50 to Rent

Thread Social "Sapphire Fairy Tale Dress"  $75 to Rent

Vena Cava "Fit n' Flare Dress" $75 to Rent

These dresses are all a bit out of my comfort zone - in that they aren't especially modest (apparently wearing a cardigan to your bachelorette party is somewhat frowned upon), and that they are waaaaaay out of my price range when it comes to retail. But for $50 - $75 to rent, I'm totally down. You get two sizes when you order - which is good because I've now lost about 18 lbs I don't really know what size I wear and also these dresses are designer shizz which means they probably run small. So, we'll see ... I'm going to keep looking, but I like the looks of these. What do y'all think?

* This blog post was up for over a week and I looked at it multiple times and never once noticed that I'd written "addition" when I mean "edition" ... I think my brain is turning to goo. Stupid bridal goo. Thanks for the editing, Daddy-o.

Seriously?! Seriously.

So - remember how I said our small guest list was going to cause familial discord? Yeh, I hit that nail right on the head. Since the invitations have gone out, it is now painfully obvious to members of my StepDad's family that he really wasn't kidding when we said we were not inviting our cousins. Hey, Asshats: Remember when you were told that we were limiting the invites to very immediate family? And how we are paying for our own wedding? I didn't win the effing lottery in the last couple months, and even if I had I'd probably still hold on this.

Right, well, that hasn't gone over well. And if the RSVP card from the Step-Family Patriarch is any indication, both myself and my StepDad will be getting quite a lot of passive aggressive commentary from his family.

The fact that you checked and then emphatically underlined the fact that you "Will Not Attend" sucks. It sucks a lot. No note of congratulations, no "Sorry we can't make it, but best of luck and we love you" Nope. Just the most passive aggressive RSVP ever. I'm your granddaughter - that's really fucking nice. I guess I shouldn't be expecting a card either. And I expect I'll be receiving a number of similarly asshat-tacular RSVPs from the rest of your family. 

I know that I'm probably better off without people like that at my wedding. I don't need that kind of negativity around my wedding or around my family. If I'm being realistic I know that everyone will be happier if they aren't there. They can believe themselves to be superior and "banded together as a family to make a statement" and I can feel happy that they didn't show up to make passive aggressive commentary about the damn wedding. 

Madre was very comforting when I called and tried to convince her (and myself) that I really didn't care that he wasn't coming (or that he was being a total douche) but I'd be lying if I said that it didn't really hurt my feelings or if I told you that I didn't cry over it. Because I did cry and it did/does hurt my feelings. All I can do is be grateful that StepDad has my back and loves me ... and knows that his family is passive aggressive and suck-tacular. 

Up until now I was so excited to see the RSVPs rolling in - but this has kind of put a damper on my excitement. Stupid wedding planning ... the happy moments never last very long. 

ETA:

Everyone be nice in the comments. I'm pissed off right now, but they're still family. I think their behavior sucks, a lot. But they don't necessarily suck as people ... necessarily ...

Wedding Wins!

I purchased a super awesome invisible ink pen from Amazon for marking the RSVPs.

And my dress came in. My first fitting is August 6.

And today I talked to "My Person" - (a Grey's Anatomy quote that most ladies will recognize but may escape the elderly readers of my blog - sorry, Mom and Dad - I meant late middle aged ... or something) that's my Happy Valley Bridesmaid. She's always been a calming influence and can talk me down from most any ledge, but I also actually talked wedding without getting worked up or irritated, and in fact, focused on all the fun shit about the wedding and wedding planning.

So today I'm feeling pretty good. I consider that a "Wedding Win" ... plus OMG invisible ink pen! So fun!

Double Digits!

Holy Shit, Y'all! My wedding is 99 days from today. NINETY NINE DAYS! If you are Fiance, then you think that 99 days is practically forever. Meanwhile, if you are me, you think 99 days may as well be tomorrow. We've got four (possibly five) weekends in town together between now and the wedding to get our shit done ... no seriously that's it.

I know I talked about my meltdown. It was unattractive - totally toddler-appropriate with snotty nose, sobbing, hyperventilating, and yes I may have stomped my foot once - I'm not proud of it. But it did get Fiance and his mother to take on some wedding related tasks. Further, he admitted that I was right to feel slightly abandoned and that he'd try to take a more active and opinionated approach to the stupid wedding planning. I feel better, for sure.

To compound that whole improvement in mood I actually got some shit done yesterday! I printed our labels for the invitations (Yes, I've been made aware of the fact that having printed labels is horrible and totally rude and disrespectful of the time and money that you're asking your guests to spend ... to which I say, oh that's funny I've spent months and thousands and thousands of dollars planning this stupid wedding, so,  If you are offended by the labels, 'Go Eff Yourself' - because I'm classy) ... Anyway, Fiance and I spent a lot of time making sure the font and color matched the font on the invites and I'm pretty psyched about how it turned out.

I just want to get the goddamned things in the mail. Once that's done we can start crossing off about a trillion things on the list - all the things that require RSVPs and guest-count-estimates. Once the invitations are completely done and ready to be sent out, I'll take some pics and and make sure y'all see them!

Also, I want to put out there that my bridesmaids are the best. I get messages from them asking how they can help me all the time - unfortunately 99% of the shit on the list has to be done in town and therefore has to be done by me ... or Fiance ... but mostly me.

BUT - super shout out to Bridesmaids Lawyer and Dentist especially because god knows they've got a ton going on in their professional lives and they are just the most amazing friends and so so willing to help - Guys - when you get here, I will have a check list of stuff for you to do. But I'll provide booze for you too. So it shouldn't be too bad ... hopefully.

My Wedding Sucks and I Hate It. Or, Alternately (and Slightly Less Dramatically): Wedding Planning Sucks and Anyone Who Tells You Otherwise is a Big Fat Liar (or Wealthy with Unlimited Resources)

I hate our wedding. Okay that's not true; I hate planning our wedding. This is not what I wanted. I didn't want to have to think about the fact that if we didn't invite all of our first cousins (legitimately about 50 people on the low end of the estimate - without spouses or dates) that certain other relatives wouldn't come. I think I stated in an early blog post that I didn't want this "wedding" because family dynamics stress me the eff out. Add to that the fact that I am super hard on myself and desperately seek the approval of my family and you've got a recipe for a big huge meltdown ... or rather a number of big huge meltdowns that are occurring with an alarming and increasing frequency.

I love my family. But there's a lot of them. I not only have my mom and dad to think of but also my stepdad. My mom and stepdad have been married basically, like, forever or at least 20 years, and though I don't love the fact that my parents are divorced, I love all of them. I love all the people that make up my overly complicated 20th century blended family. And the idea of disappointing any part of any of those branches of my family is upsetting. Then you have to take into account that whole thing about joining my family with Fiance's family. That's a shit-ton more people to have to consider. If I'm being honest, I'm totally overwhelmed. Fiance (or rather, his family) think we need to invite a lot more of his family than were sent Save-the-Dates, not because they think they'll come but because "it's what should be done". And, sweet Christ, don't even get me started on that whole thing with my sister (because you will drive me to at least one full bottle of wine and a lot of crying).

Then there's the fact that I have not and will not (or most likely not - unless I'm beaten to the psychological equivalent of a bloody pulp) invite the entirety of my extended family. There's a lot of them. With the exception of my Dad and Fiance's Dad, the Dobbsmantea parentals have large families. Considering my Mom and Stepdad aren't Catholic, the number of children in their families is kind of impressive. Add to that Fiance's mother, who is from a SUPER Catholic family and has NINE siblings and you're making for an inordinately huge guest list. With all sides of the family included, I can't avoid disappointing someone. My paternal grandmother (WOG) wants me to invite the children of her siblings and their children. My stepfather has familial pressure for us to invite all of his siblings and their children (there's a lot of them) - but to be fair he fully supports our decision to make our own guest list, and have a "small wedding" and has voiced that support to his family.

But our "small wedding" is currently approaching 150 invites. And, yeah, we know some (hopefully about a third ... at least) of those definitely won't come. But with every day passing, I get more stressed. I have nightmares. I think of the wedding and my breath catches in my throat - not out of excitement or emotion regarding that whole joining my life to that of Fiance's - but out of fear and stress and the idea that we'll disappoint everyone while trying to please everyone. I honestly can't think of anything worse than planning this whole damn wedding in order to please all the outside influences and then having it fail. I didn't want this wedding. I still don't. But all I can think of is that after all the work I've put into (and will put into) this stupid wedding, people will still be disappointed. They will still be upset and I won't be any happier for having done all the work. Our wedding isn't even a big fancy affair. God help me if we were planning the typical wedding in a hotel ball room with two hundred guests and a seated dinner and fancy cocktail hour and fancy rehearsal dinner ... ugh the idea of it makes me want to puke.

All of these things combined make me want to roofie Fiance and book us a flight to Vegas. I want to be married. I literally cannot wait to be married to Fiance. The idea of spending my life with him is probably the most exciting thing I can think of. I know he loves me. I love him. I can't imagine my future without him. But the next three months make me want to stab someone. Unfortunately, he's always the person closest by. I find myself keeping my frustration from Fiance because when it comes up, I find myself super frustrated with him. It's not like he hasn't offered to help, but I just feel like, since I've planned everything up 'til now, that he's not capable of (or interested in) doing it. And I feel ashamed of that. Fiance is a very bright and capable man, but I just doubt his devotion to this damn wedding.

Then again, can you blame the guy? I make the whole thing sound so freakin' enticing. Normal people don't volunteer themselves for hours spent considering paper goods and coach busses and limos and flowers of about a thousand different types. They also don't volunteer themselves for that whole god-awful budget thing. Watching our expenses pile up makes me nauseous, and our wedding isn't even that expensive. When I request assistance from Fiance, I then also micromanage his every move. And nag. Ugh, I'm "That Girl". It's really unattractive - but then again psychotic people generally aren't that attractive, I suppose.

I really had hoped to avoid being that girl. I don't want to nag Fiance - that's so ... typical. Typical isn't really my style. I'm really hoping we're gonna get through this unscathed - my mental health is already compromised but in the end, I suppose all that matters is that we're married. That's over three months from now though, so, keep your fingers crossed. Who knows who I'll stab in the interim.

Shoes!

Remember how I was sad about all the crap I had to do for my wedding that I literally did not care about, at all? Well I went to work and then I came home and determined that I would mark something else off the list (read: participate in retail therapy, another coping mechanism I perfected in college) and I decided to cross off:

Wedding shoes. I have to have the shoes that I'm wearing with my dress before my dress comes in because the dress has to be altered/hemmed to deal with the shoes. AND, guys, what if I don't like the shoes I buy? I need to be able to have time to return them. And get new ones. And my dress is supposed to come in by mid August at the latest. This is clearly a time crunch situation.

So I ventured onto Zappos - I love Zappos, with one year to make returns or exchanges and free shipping both ways, it is by far the ideal way to shop for those of us out in East Jesus Nowhere - and I bought some shoes. Some beautiful, previously believed to be way out of my price range, shoes. Here they are:

Why yes, readers, you may realize that these are Badgley Mischkas; or Momma and Daddy, you probably have no idea what that means, but they are super expensive and super designer and stuff. Think Sex and the City, Momdre. I know you've seen the censored version on TNT - BUT, if you know me you probably know that unless I were in the middle of a serious emotional meltdown (wedding planning is close, but not quite at that level ... yet) that I would never spend that much money on shoes. God knows certainly not after having purchased a dress that was super out of my budget. 

But, like my loverly loverly mother, Zappos came to my rescue and knocked the price of these beauties way down by about 50%. And I got the last pair in my size. 

In conclusion: I love shopping. And shoes. And retail therapy. And sales. And I got to cross something off my miles long to do list. All of these things combine to make me a very content, my-damn-wedding-planning, bride to be on this particular evening. 

Weddings require a lot of work. And that is lame.

Sorry I've been totally MIA, loyal readers (all 5 - 10 of you). I fell down the black hole known as work. I successfully ran the FOH (front of house for you non-industry peeps) by myself for a full week! Yay! And in my free time I've been studying for my sommelier exam - which takes place in like six weeks ... oh and having minor meltdowns about the fact that I suddenly have to actually start planning my wedding.

You may be thinking: Oh, Mare - honey, you've been planning your wedding for the last eight months! But you would be wrong. I killed time for like, ohhhhh three months at least post engagement. Then I made like seven big decisions and signed some contracts in the span of about six weeks. And then I did nothing again - for like, three to four more months. This is not ideal. As it turns out the big stuff is easy and the little things make me feel barfy and yuck.

Most brides are like "YAY I can focus on the little things! Centerpieces! Pew flowers! Escort cards! Limos! Rehearsal Dinner! Gifts! YAY!" That same train of thought for me leads into a fairly devastating spiral of self doubt followed by cranky self pity that then turns into a lovely shade of procrastination. Seriously - I do not want to do these things. Also when I started to tell Fiance about all the thousand and seventeen things we have to do he was all like "Noooo, everything's done!" So that led me to have to write out an actual "To-do" list because I really love being right. In this case though my happy warm fuzzies of rightness feelings were quickly turned to sweaty, booze craving panic when the list turned out to be about four single spaced typed pages long. FOUR PAGES LONG. SINGLE SPACED. And after printing it I realized that there were like seventeen trillion more things I forgot.

So I employed a tactic I used often in college: Organization as Procrastination. That's an exact and very technical term.  So I re-organized our wedding binder - which, btw, had to graduate from a 1.5 inch three-ringer to a 2.5 inch three-ringer. And most of that is contracts and church crap and all that other technical, non-inspiration-board-y stuff. Then I put up a bulletin board. With a calendar and a clipboard with the afore-mentioned billion (fine, four) page long to-do list among some other things. Also a wipe board with the most important and pressing to-dos. I took a picture for y'all. You're welcome.

Organization as Procrastination at it's best.

Also, what you can't see is that in the month of August, Fiance and I will only be in town at the same time FOR ONE WEEKEND. ONE. And then in September we are in town at the same time for TWO WEEKENDS; we are also completely out of town for like four days a month before our wedding for another wedding in St. Louis. And also my bridal shower. Here's the thing - August - October are also the most busy months where I work. I am having a hard time conceiving of crossing off things on that damn four page list when I barely have time off as it is!

Anyway, I can happily report that I have already done a few of the things on the list - I mean, I may have included them on the list knowing I was about to actually do them because it would make me feel better, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I accomplished stuff. I ordered the stamps for our invitations and RSVPs. I also got all the new addresses for our wedding party (of our eleven party members five have moved since we sent out Save-the-Dates). We also paid the deacon at our church for our pre-marital counseling. And I bought some thank you notes ... Yeah. That's all. 

And here's a Dukan update for ya, in case you were interested: I've lost 14 lbs and god knows how many inches. I think I've replaced some of the fat with muscle since I started exercising because my clothing sizes went waaaay down while my weight hasn't necessarily. Anyway, I put on some jeans I haven't worn since college. That was cool. Now I just have to maintain - or at least maintain whatever weight I'm at when my dress comes in ... Crap. Add that to the to - do list.