Death and Taxes ... and Weddings.

Y'all, I totally meant to write this post on April 15 (you know, tax day) which would have made the title way more relevant ... but I think the message holds. In a letter to Jean Baptiste Leroy, Benjamin Franklin said "In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes" ... and to that I would like to add: weddings. Or, probably more accurately, marriages. I've mentioned before that my Dad is a wedding photographer and through the recent economic disasters he has said "... but people persist in getting married." And they do - I mean, my god, guys - Fiance and I certainly can't "afford" to get married, drowning as we are in that lovely fact of post-collegiate life known as student loans. But we love each other and want to have a life together and make babies and all that good stuff - sure, these things can be done without marriage, but to us the actual marriage part seems super important. Plus it's a totally legit reason to throw a party and have all your faves in one room. I mean, other than weddings - the only time you get free booze and food and all your favorite peeps in one room is at your funeral, when you're dead. And that's way less fun. Because you can't partake in the booze and food and fun.

I could probably add "divorce" to the end of the Ben Franklin quote as well  - but I won't because jeez, that would be terribly depressing, wouldn't it? And we'd like to believe we'll beat that statistic. But, here is something I totally didn't get when we got engaged: the excitement. I mean, I was super psyched to finally make this shit honest - because, let me tell you, hearing "what's taking so long" or even better "wow, I thought you guys would be next" when a friend gets engaged, gets real old, real fast. Even given my "excitement" I really didn't get why friends and family got so worked up over the damn (eventual) wedding. Well, open bars are super fun. I get the excitement over booze you don't have to pay for - that's probably one of the most exciting things in life. That and free food. But people get really excited about engagements. And I really didn't get why until a few weeks ago.

I briefly mentioned that friends of mine from St. Louis got engaged on April Fool's Day - Nurse Bride and Lawyer Groom. When I got the text from Nurse Bride - I have to say I fully understood the excitement of "weddings" for the first time! And, honestly it wasn't just because of the prospect of free booze and food. I was genuinely excited! I was so happy and hopeful for their future lives together - I actually teared up (I know - we're back to me being a cliche).

It's taking me a while to figure out how to deal with those who are more excited about my damn wedding's details than I am - *cough* future mother in law *cough* but I am genuinely trying to understand the obsession with specific types of flowers. And the question of centerpieces and floral arrangements and pew flowers ... Okay, fine, honestly I don't care about any of those things - but people who are important to me DO care. So I have to be able to at least form a coherent opinion. That opinion at this point is strictly: "My wedding colors are not Brown and Pink, FMIL. Please, please, please, PLEASE no baby pink. I don't do baby pink. Barf."

Does your opinion count as coherent if it includes the actual word "barf"? I think so. The point is, that we are certainly not doing anything extraordinary by getting married. Tons of people get married. But the fact that tons of people persist in getting married doesn't make our wedding (and marriage) any less exciting and awesome - although I persist in being more excited about weddings I'm not responsible for planning (No pressure, Nurse Bride).

And in more "My Damn Wedding" wedding-detail specific news: Fiance and all his groomsmen have ordered their suits for the wedding! Yay! Exciting! But that now means that, Fiance's wedding party is winning. So annoying. Now I have to pick a damn dress - or a dress option. It's super frustrating. Look for a post re: bridesmaids dresses being harder to pick than my damn dress - in the next few days. Also - tomorrow we pick up our wedding invitations!!!!!!!! The ACTUAL invitations to our REAL wedding. With our NAMES on them and shit! Mind blowing. Seriously. I'm excited. I will obvi post pictures. Because zOMG I'm getting married! It's on paper! ... but not letter pressed.

The Voices in My Head Think I'm Tacky; To Which I Say: "Suck It, Voices." :)

So, after much deliberation (which, fine, mostly took place in my head - and for about five seconds with Bridesmaids, Lawyer and Dentist via G-Chat) I decided to go with the "Seal-and-Send" invitations. The deliberation was mostly the WIC getting all up in my head space and telling me that people would find my invitations tacky because they didn't have inner envelopes. And tissue paper. And also they aren't letter-press. If I'm being perfectly honest, I don't know what letter-press actually is. I think it's engraving? Maybe? I dunno, but the wedding blogs say that you have to have letterpress.

My invitations are not letterpress. Also, apparently wording invitations is hard. There are rules. Here's one for you: For a marriage ceremony to take place in a church you say "Request the HONOR of your Presence" where as if your ceremony is NOT in a church you say "Request the PLEASURE of your Presence." Subtle, right? What if I'd gotten that wrong, guys?! You don't know. I googled a lot of stuff about invitations. Like A LOT. Also a bunch of stuff about the response portions. There are rules about that too. I'm breaking a lot of them. Whatevs, man. Sorry, but no, random guests do not get plus-ones. We are like three years out of college (HOLY SHIT! THREE YEARS! God, that just made me feel super old) and I'd say 99% of our guests, if not actually 100%, will know someone else at the wedding.

Here's the thing about reading wedding blogs - and I read a lot of them. Just because I bitch a lot about wedding planning doesn't mean I don't think it's important to know what Martha (that's Martha Stewart to the rest of you. We are on a first name basis) thinks about my choices. Oh, and also I read like a lot of rando blogs about weddings. And I feel like I'm being judged. By the pictures in the blogs ... Okay, yeh that sounds crazy. But I do feel judged. Here is the number one wedding rule I'm breaking: VERY LIMITED PLUS - ONES.

Our RSVPS will say "We have reserved ___ seat(s) in your honor." Also, the invitations will be addressed to BOTH members of a couple, BY NAME even if they don't live together. The only exception is wedding party. You peeps can invite whomever you damn well please and I will happily pay for them to booze it up and feast - because you have to like buy things you'll never wear again and you have to be sure I'm tipsy enough but not too drunk until after the ceremony. It's a lot of responsibility. So, I'm sure lots of people will think "God, that's so tacky, everyone should get a plus one" to which I say: 1) I can't stand the word tacky anymore after researching invitation etiquette and also 2) Weddings are expensive. Random Cousin - you want to take a girl out to dinner? That's cool, but Bitch, PLEASE I am so not paying for that. Ergo, I am not paying for your rando date at my wedding.

I reckon that's enough bitching for now. So, without further ado: check out my invite proofs! I couldn't upload the actual file because it was too big? So this was printed out and then photographed with my digital camera. Then I corrected the picture in iPhoto. So the invites are like ivory/cream colored - not pink. So, adjust your vision accordingly:

Real Quick:

Hey kids - I know I owe y'all a blog post and I've got quite a few bouncing around in my head. But in the time I have at the moment I do want to link to a blog that I love. LOVE.

It's called: www.thebrokeassbride.com - The woman who writes the blog, Dana, is having some serious health problems and drowning in debt. I know the feeling of being sick and also of feeling completely weighed down by my finances. I find her blog totally inspiring and would hate for her to have to take some crappy office job in order to make ends meet and to take care of herself. Further, autoimmune diseases run in my family and sooner or later I'm sure one of them will get me too - I just hope I can take care of myself or have a support system to help me out when the time comes. So, without further ado:

http://www.thebrokeassbride.com/2011/04/dishing-for-dana-a-broke-ass-bride-fundraiser/

If you blog or know others who do: link to her post or blog. If you don't blog, just check out her site, it's really great and I think it focuses on the important parts of wedding planning: making the wedding represent you as a couple and building a foundation for a happy and healthy marriage.

Brief wedding planning news: I ordered our wedding invitations! AAAAH! I'll post the proofs later. Also: two of my awesome friends in STL got engaged! On April Fool's Day! Hence forth I shall refer to them as Lawyer Groom and Nurse Bride :) Congrats Nurse Bride! - I know you're reading this :)

In Which I Find a Dress and Feel Like a Bride - and Like It.

Okay, kids. I've been grossly neglectful of my lovely blog. You may have noticed that this happens about once a month and then you get a flurry of posts over the next week or so ... then I disappear again. Sorry guys. In my defense I have had one day off in the two weeks since Madre was here and we bought "The Dress". But now, I am back!

As far as the dress shopping experience goes, it was so painless I can't really adequately describe how much I didn't hate it. I would even go so far as to say ... I enjoyed it. Crazy, I know. Let me set the stage for you:

Madre was to arrive at Dulles Airport early in the morning on Monday, so after work on Sunday I drove up to Arlington to stay with my MOH. (Quick Wedding Party Biography: MOH is my oldest friend - we've been friends for over twenty years now and I am so excited to finally share my home state with her after over a decade). ANYWAY, staying with MOH made it so easy to pick up Madre in the morning and I got to spend some quality time with MOH - and check out bridesmaids dresses on Sunday.

I made the appointment with Ann's Boutique in Burke, VA as soon as I found out Madre would, in fact, be visiting. Ann's Boutique is the "Premier" Seller for Watters and Watters gowns in VA and they also carried the WToo line. But I couldn't sleep the night before the appointment and started looking up online reviews.

This was a mistake.

Such a big mistake, in fact, that I almost canceled the appointment! Working in the service industry, I should have realized that people go online mostly to complain and say things that they wouldn't say in real life (shut it. that's not what my blog is like ... i say this stuff in real life) but I got seriously scared at the number of negative reviews of Ann's. Also, the appointment was at 1 PM and I picked up Madre at like 9:45 and couldn't figure out a way to kill three hours in the NOVA area ... Thank God Madre talked me into keeping the appointment while sitting in a Dunkin Donuts somewhere between Arlington and Burke. We moved the appointment up a couple hours and when we got there, had the whole shop to ourselves!

Some of the online bitches reviewers had said that Ann (the owner and seamstress) was pushy and rude, but I adored her. She had me in and out of dresses so fast and was totally honest about how dresses looked on me. She was definitely not trying to make a sale that wouldn't be flattering on me. The dress we ultimately bought was the second one I tried on - I tried on maybe seven after it and came right back. It was obviously Madre's favorite and even Ann said it suited me perfectly.

I was, like, so-exceptionally-super-vain y'all. I think I really did look at myself in the mirror for upwards of five straight minutes. That's a long ass time. I wasn't doing anything. Just standing. And staring at myself. Like Narcissus. Had I been looking into a body of water I may actually have drowned (... that's sort of how that myth goes, right? or turned into a flower? whatever, that's basically it? Dad - comments?) ... Anyway the point is that the dress fit me PERFECTLY. Like a freakin' glove. And I looked skinny. Also tall. Two things that I am NOT. Oh, and then there was the veil. Veil met head and I cried. I CRIED! I was a goddamn "Say Yes To The Dress" Cliche. Embarrassing. But also really nice. It was the first time I've felt like: "HOLY SHIT I AM ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED! I AM A DAMN BRIDE! (AND I AM HAPPY ABOUT IT)"

Excuse the profanity, parentals, but that is actually how it felt. I loved every second of it. I'm a "Bride" bitches. Hear me roar ... or something.

In the next few days:

I have an invitation dilemma. Also bridesmaids dresses. I swear I won't disappear for weeks on end this time. Probably.

OH! Also, Daddy got me and Fiance a camera (something to check off our registry, yay!) so there will be more pictures - specifically ones that are not backwards!

I SAID YES ...

To the dress, that is. Here it is: The Watters & Watters Devenport

More on the details and the dress shopping experience later! What do you think?

PS. I have a picture of me in the dress ... but Madre and I can't figure out how to connect the camera to the computer

UPDATE:

From the Watter's website description:
"Ivory re-embroidered lace and washed silk organza gown with full A-line skirt and veiled lace motifs on skirt. Dress has a 71" train"

Pretty Pretty Pictures!

Now, on to FUN STUFF! It's in caps because in typing, caps means fun. Did you know that? Some people say it means yelling - but sometimes yelling can be fun. It's fun yelling. My madre is coming! I pick her up from the airport in like ... 48ish hours. We are going to buy a wedding dress! Knock on wood. I have to buy this damn dress because in wedding-time apparently my wedding is tomorrow and I have been negligent on the dress front. I have been lead to believe that if I do not buy this dress in the next week (March 15 marks 7 months to the wedding) then I will obviously be naked or wearing hobo clothes down the aisle.

That's not cool - no one wants to be a hobo on their wedding day. Why do you have to make me feel that way, WIC? Why? Anyway, I've decided to steal some photos from designers websites to show you what I've already tried on and what I intend to try on again for mi madre. Here we go!

All of the following dresses are from Watters & Watters and I tried them on with Lawyer Bridesmaid:

  Style 1079B 

Escalante (Affectionately referred to as the Grace Kelly Dress)

Austin - this one made my top 5 - it was swishy and twirly and light as air.

Tyler - my absolute fave. Tried it on with an ivory sash. Loved it. 

So, what do you think loyal readers? I've focused my search on this designer because his dresses were lovely and fit my proportions (ie. boobs. and hips) very well. Madre and I have an appointment at a salon in BFE Northern VA on Monday! Next up, maybe I'll post some pics of dresses I'm looking to try on from Watters & Watters less expensive line. Also I have some fun pictures of my pets that I feel like I should post. Because my pets are weird. Like me.

Back From the Brink!

Hey, hey, boys and girls. I am back from the brink, as they say. I know I promised that I would be funny and post stuff after I posted about my sister. But if I'm being honest with you, for about a full week after that post I was having a really hard time with my sister being gone. I've realized that her choices are her own, however bad they are, and that my worrying (which is, essentially second nature to me) was doing her absolutely no good and it was hurting me. A lot.

As an update, we have heard from the prodigal daughter and she is not willing to follow the guidelines that have been set for her in order to come home. For now at least, she is "homeless' - although she knows full well she has a home to come to if she is willing to (sorry, daddy - bad language ahead) grow the fuck up. So, for the time being, good riddance, psycho child. I hope you get your act together.